I don't know

Chapter 13

                You woke up to the other side of the bed being empty. You wandered outside to see look dancing around the kitchen while he cooked breakfast.

                “Good morning beautiful,” Luke perked up at the sight of you. You tried to manage a smile; you should be happy after all, but you still felt empty and hollow.

                “Morning,” was all you could manage as you sat down. You placed a hand on your stomach, your baby bump hadn’t gotten big yet before you lost the baby, but it had still been there, and you still missed it… your poor, sweet, baby. You sighed.

                Luke walked over and sat a plate down in front of you.

                “I’m not hungry,” you pushed the plate away; causing Luke to frown.

                “Sarah, are you okay, what’s wrong?” He was worried about you, you could see it in his face.

                “Nothing Luke, just don’t feel well.”

                “Do I need to call the doctor, are you okay?”

                “I’m fine Luke.” I knew I was being snappy and cold. He was finally being happy and warm in the way I had always wanted and I was being a cold hearted bitch. I knew I loved him, but I just felt so empty.

                “Are you sure, maybe I should call just to be safe.” I slammed my hands down on the table.

                “I said I’m fucking fine Luke, Jesus.” I got up. “Can you please just leave Luke, I want to be alone for a while.”

                You could see the hurt in his eyes as he walked out the door.  What the hell were you doing? You went into your room to think; you decided you needed to talk to John. You sent him a text and within five minutes he was at your door.

                “Hi Sarah,” he walked in and sat down. He was being rude and cold.

                “John I think we should talk.”

                “Obviously, you’re a whore. I don’t want to marry a whore. So either you drop Luke or I’m gone that’s that.” Wow he got straight to the point. 

                “I don’t want to be with either of you. I need some time to think and figure out who I am before I settle down with a guy. I just need to be alone.”

                “Alright, bye slut,” and that was that.

                Luke called and texted me every day for 3 months; he showed up at my house at least twice a week, but I had been avoiding him. I loved him so much but I realized that I needed time alone to mourn my baby and find out who I was without him in my life. All I did was go to work and watch Netflix though, nothing special. I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss him though, I missed him so fucking much. You decided to send him a text explaining everything, he deserved to know. I told him how I wasn’t over the death of our baby and how I blamed myself; I told him how I wanted to be sure if his feelings were genuine and I had to find myself.

                His response was strange but you decided you had avoided him long enough.

                “Meet me at the park at 8”

                He didn’t have to specify which park; you knew exactly which park he was referring to; the one you two had went to for years and years as children.

                “K” you responded and you got dressed.