Disastrous

Forty Three

I can't sleep all night long, not with the knowledge that Niall is exactly two rooms away from me on the couch. My body refuses to relax and my mind doesn't want to shut off.

Austen's legs move closer to mine, and I trace slow patterns on his arm with my fingers. I felt terrible. Utterly sick.

Here I was holding another man while the person I loved slept in another room. I hated to admit it, god did I ever, but I loved Niall deeply and I don't think that feeling would ever go away. I had his son sleeping silently in his crib and his unborn child inside of me.

Niall had no idea it was his baby.

By the way he had said things, he assumes I'm pregnant with Austen's baby. Though Austen and I have never slept together.

I should have told him right away, but I couldn't seem to get my stupid mouth open when the chance arose.

I had screwed up enough as it was. I couldn't continue messing up this way, I couldn't keep hurting him. Even though he hurt me deeply and we could not be together, he deserved to know that I was carrying his child even though I dreaded that conversation like I dreaded having to face my family after running off without an explanation.

I carefully slid Austen's arm away as Rory cried softly, whimpering in his sleep. I scrambled from bed, kicking sheets away from my bare legs. I didn't want him to wake Austen, I didn't feel like talking right now.

Reaching the crib, I picked Rory's heavy body up and brought him to my chest immediately. He whimpered for a few moments and then calmed as he realized he was awake now. He had been having these dreams lately that always made him cry while still sleeping. It broke my heart that I couldn't prevent it.

"Shh baby.." I hushed, rocking my body up and down, smoothing his hair.

I planted small kisses to his delicate skin and patted his bum, soothing him into silence. He curled his fingers in my loose hair, slobbery lips pressed against my collar bone. I kissed his messy dark hair and walked to the door, prepared to get him some milk to stop his fussing and put him back to sleep.

When I opened the door I nearly screamed, seeing Niall standing there. He wiped at his eyes tiredly, forcing them to blink open.

"I was about to knock." He mumbled, glancing wearily behind me at the bed. "Heard him crying."

"It's fine.." I maneuvered my way into the hall, closing the bedroom door behind me. "I've got him."

I could hear Niall following me down the hall, and into the kitchen. Rory clung to me tightly as I got his milk from the fridge and heated it slightly, he loved his warm milk.

Niall leaned his elbows on the island counter and watched me intently, to the point where it made me nervous. He scratched at the stubble on his jaw, and slid a hand through his hair I noticed how it wasn't so blond anymore, his roots showing, making it look sandy brown. He and Rory really did look alike.

I moved Rory so he laid back in my arms, and pressed the bottle to his lips. He wrapped his hands around it immediately and closed his eyes.

"Can I, uhm. Can I do that?"

I glanced up at Niall, his eyes weary and questioning. I saw him visibly gulp and swipe his tongue over his pink bottom lip. I nodded my head, surprised how he was acting now. Must be because it was the middle of the night and he was tired.

I handed Rory over carefully, Niall and I's arms brushing as I did so. He took in a sharp breath at our contact, though I pretended I didn't notice. Rory stirred slightly but then stilled, and Niall held the bottom of the bottle, though Rory could do it all on his own now. I regretted that it was my fault Niall had missed that, along with him starting to crawl and now walk.