Disastrous

Thirty Two

Songs:
Ed Sheeran - Who You Are
Sia - Breathe Me
MisterWives - Reflections
The Neighbourhood - No Grey
One Direction - Clouds

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The frigid weather outside has me trembling as I step into the apartment. The warm air is nice until I take a deep breath and realize I can hardly breathe, my chest aching. My head was pounding and I had a knot twisted in my stomach, the urge to throw up still present.

Niall stomped by from down the hall, brushing right passed me and into the kitchen. I bit my lip to hold back my tears and carefully slipped my feet out of my snow covered boots, walking slowly into the living room. Rory looks up at me peacefully from the little swing he's poised in, his fingers in his mouth again. I smile and brush his hair back with my fingers, running my hand down his little chest next and feeling it rise with the breaths he took.

"Shay."

Turning around, I morosely glance at Niall in shame. I tense as he takes a step closer to me, his jaw still tight.

"Let's talk while he's being good."

It sounds more like a demand than a request, but I'm not about to argue with him over it. He takes the lead down the hall and silently strides into our bedroom.

Placing a kiss to Rory's head, I make sure he's alright before grabbing the monitor just in case and following after Niall.

When I walk into the room I close the door most of the way behind me, wearily glancing towards an angry Niall. He's sitting on the edge of the bed, his eyes on the floor. His big hands are clasped together on his knees, knuckles cracking as he squeezes them.

Blue eyes glance at me intensely as I step forward. I sit on the bed, but on the opposite end, keeping a safe distance between us.

"Why didn't you tell me you were engaged?" His voice is full of gravel, thick with an emotion I couldn't decipher.

"Technically, we weren't really engaged, Niall. Julien says things purposely to make people angry. That's what he does."

"It didn't seem like he was lying to me."

"Are you really going to believe him over me?" I was hurt that he was practically excusing me of lying about what I was telling him.

"How am I supposed to believe you, Shay? You kept him a secret from me."

"That's because I never wanted to say his name again." My throat tightens drastically and I quickly look away to force my eyes from Niall's. I stare at the window, wiping frantically to my cheeks as a few tears spilt down.

"Why? Did he hurt you?"

I wanted to throw myself in his arms and sob, telling him everything, confessing all the truth all over again but I couldn't bare it. I couldn't speak the words again, no matter how hard I tried. I trusted Niall with my life but it scared me to speak out again.

"Shay?"

"It's nothing, Niall."

I shot up from the bed, bringing the sleeve of my shirt up to my face. I wiped my tears off quickly, attempting to walk out of the bedroom when Niall grabbed my wrist.

He pulled me towards him too easily, bringing me between his legs. I stood there, completely still, my body quivering as he took my hands in his. Niall brought my knuckles to his mouth, planting a kiss on each one. He was quite deep in a thought, his eyes unblinking and locked on my skin.

"I want you to tell me the truth," he began slowly, and I squeezed my eyes closed as more tears helplessly began to fall at his words. "Or I'll find out myself."