love on the brain

00:63

"t-thanks for the ride" I say to Joseph who walks me to Kimberly's door.

"Alison just..." I cut Joseph with a sigh, I turn to him, "trying to protect me... I know..." The words came out my mouth like I had been reading them, there wasn't any emotion.

I just felt empty.
He exhales, "Alison has her reasons for everything" he tries to tell me causing me to make eye contact with her.

I shook my head, "there is nothing in this world that could ever justify her doing this to me, once again." I say.

He was about to say something when I stopped him, "y-you should go..." I say before turning around opening the front door.

"My God" I hear Kimberly says approaching the front hallway. I shut the door slowly before walking inside, "Jesus Christ Emily... where the hell have you been? I've called you more then ten times.... where were you?" The voice of Kimberly says approaching me.

I entered the house in a daze, it felt as if Alison and I were done. I walked out the conference room expecting her to stop me after hearing that I loved her... that I was in love her.

But she didn't, of course she didn't.
Being her, she's probably heard that millions of times, and gave no response because she doesn't do the love thing.

I felt stupid. Letting her in. In my heart, that belonged to someone else. But yet at much as I hated myself for being this way, I was in literal pain, just being without her.

"Emily?" Kimberly asks looking at me. My eyes glued to the floor with tears forming in them. I breathed heavily, processing what this meant.

If my love wasn't enough for her to at least stop me from walking out the door, it meant I was not enough. Meaning I have never and will never be enough.

For her.

"E-emily? W-what's wrong?" She asks and with those words I lose my balance and collapsed to the ground with tears streaming down my cheeks.

"Em.. talk to me.. why are you crying like this?" She asks looking at me.

"I..I love her...." I managed trying to catch my breathe. Her eyes searching mine as she holds my face looking at me with concern.

"What did she do?" She manages causing me to break down harder. What didn't she due?

There was so many things wrong. Someone tried to kill Alison. She's pushing me away to keep me safe. I-I don't know what to do to help her or stop... or to make everything okay.

I'm scared. I'm scared that something will happen to her and I won't be able to stop it or help her. I'm afraid to lose because I love her.

I love her so much that it hurts, it hurts being without her. The pain in my chest was indescribable.

"Emily... what's going on with you?" She asks trying to wipe my tears but more just poured out.

"I've been pretending as if I'm okay. I- I've been trying to convince everyone... myself that I don't miss her. That I'm better off without her in my life... but...but I can't pretend anymore, Kim" I broke down.

"Awe, honey...Then stop, stop pretending" she trails off pulling me into a hug holding me. I wish it was the easy.

"I-I told her I loved her...." I say feeling like I finally had loss this game of tug of war Alison and I were playing.