little love

9

three days.

thats how long its been since they talked to each other. in fact, that's the longest amount of time they've ever spent not saying a word to each other.

ashton slept downstairs on the couch, and went on with whatever he was doing, while calum stayed in their bed the whole time. he only got up to use the bathroom. what didn't help, was him bouncing from headspace to big boy because he was so sad.

calum would let himself fall into headspace, to try and help with the internal heartbreak that was just absolutely crushing him inside, and then the little him would starts to sob and cuddle with his stuffie, and then he would go back to being big.

so, he would continue to cry while cuddling the stuffed animal. of course, it wasnt ashton and it never would be, but it was some sort of comfort to calum so he kept it with him.

calum was in one of ashtons hoodies with the blankets rolled up to his waist. his stuffed puppy was in his arms, and his paci was in his mouth. even with trying to distract himself from this pain, he still felt it no matter what.

calum didn't want to feel his heart break like this. is was so unbelievably painful, yet no one could see anything. there was no wound on the outside - so if anyone just waltzed in and looked at him, physically the boy looked fine.

(besides the red eyes, dark bags under his eyes, chapped lips, and tear stained cheeks).

calum didnt know how he could have this much pain in his heart. they only fought, which they had done before...this one was different. calum has never ever gone this long without ashton.

maybe that's what added onto his pain. feeling alone and lost. it all swam together and cracked his heart, yet nothing was stronger than his heart breaking. calum could go with feeling lost, and feeling alone. in this moment, calum wants to feel those feelings alone and not feel any heartbreak.

in all the midst of thinking, and sucking on his paci, there's footsteps that get closer to the doorway.

calum feels his heart in his throat.

then, ashtons walking into their room. the older boy doesn't even give calum one glance as he walks over to his dresser and opens the top drawer. calum can feel more tears pooling in his already so sadandtired eyes.

the paci slowly falls from calums parted lips since the boy was trying to figure out if he wanted to talk or not. even then, calum was having a hard time finding his voice since he's been completely mute for three days.

"a-ashy?" calum rasps out - his voice is awful. its all scrappy and it comes out harsher than he meant it so, and it scratched up calums throat so bad, the boy started to cough.

ashton turns, looks at calum, then turns back to his dresser, "calum."

the way ashton said it so...monotone and careless...calum was ready to have another panic attack.

"i...i'm sorry," calum whispers. seeing ashton in the room just made calum realize how much he's missed him and how all he wanted was to feel ashtons skin against his, and he wanted to hear ashton say i love you, my baby and calum just wanted to kiss ashton and calum just missed ashton so much yet he was right there and calum didn't know what to do besides apologize and hope that ashton still loves him -

"sorry doesn't fix the hole in the wall," ashton mutters, shutting his drawer after he grabbed some more fresh clothes. calum lets out a loud sob, and shoves his face into the pillow.

ashton frowns as he looks at calum. of course, he knew he really had no right to be this upset still, and no look after calum.

after all, it had been a long three days without calum. yet, ashton was stubborn. ashton had been so angry about calum throwing the pan at the wall, which he had a right, and it just stayed with him for the rest of the night.

now that he sees calum...he wants to wrap calum up and take care of him, and stop those tears staining his cheeks.

"honey, you're making yourself sick," ashton mumbles, running a hand through his hair. calum just continues to sob. between his sobs, gasping for air, and wheezes, calum struggles to say im sorry again.

calum was so sorry.

ashton sighed, wiped a single tear off of calums cheek, and then left calum alone in their bedroom...again.

calum isn't as strong as he could be since he was falling apart.

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)':
comments? predictions?
unedited
love y'all.
(maybe i'll update again tonight if y'all don't hate me too much).