little love

20

"he's in the spare room," michael says, holding the door open for ashton, who walks right in.

"thanks, mikey."

"just call me if you need anything. i'll be right outside," michael says as ashton rushes up to his spare room.

"i will, mikey. promise," ashton mumbles, feeling his heart beat pound in his throat as he gets closer to the spare room. he hears the front door close in the distance, signaling that they were alone in the house and michael was outside.

ashton stands in front of the door, heart in his throat as he takes a deep breath. this was it, and ashton felt so many emotions whirl around inside his chest. after another deep breath, ashton grabs the doorknob and pushes it open.

"hey, sweetheart," ashton mumbles, making calum turn his head. as soon as calums eye fall on ashton, he's sitting up quickly.

"a-ashy," calum gasps, feeling his own heart beat in his throat. ashton was there, right in front of him. if he got closer, calum would be able to touch his soft skin, and smell his cologne-

"can i sit, cal?" ashton asks, then nods towards the bed. calum, who's mouth has went dry, just nods and watches ashton with big eyes - he could not believe ashton was with him.

"so, mikey called me and said you were having some troubles," ashton says, reaching for calums hand, "can you talk to me about them?"

calum just gulps, and shakes his head. the poor boy didn't even know where to start.

"calum, im saying this in the nicest way i can, but you smell so bad," ashton says, frowning. he didnt know how much longer he could be by calum with his body odor. calum blushes, and looks down in his lap in shame.

ashton gasps, "calum thomas, i can see a huge knot in your hair."

"as-ashy..."

ashton sighs, "how about this, i start a warm bath, and i'll bathe you as long as we talk, okay?"

calum nods slowly, "okay."

"okay," ashton whispers. he doesn't give calum another look as he rushes out of the bad-smelling room, and into the master bathroom where he starts calums bath.

then, he rushes outside to tell michael that he might be at his house all day, so he might want to leave. which, michael agrees to go spend the day with luke, giving them his house.

after their goodbyes, ashton rushes back to calum, and is surprised when he sees calum sitting, naked, at the end of the bed.

"good boy," ashton murmurs, grabbing calums hand. he leads the smaller boy (ashton could see the beginnings of calums ribs, which really hurt him to the core) to the bathroom, then helps calum into the warm bath water.

"hey, there we go," ashton whispers, kneeling next to the tub, "such a good boy."

"stop talking to me like that," calum says, his voice all cracky from not talking much at all in two weeks (ashton also flinches from all the pain lacing his voice), "or else im gonna slip."

"sorry," ashton says, grabbing the bath cup, "head back."

calum listens to ashton without another word. he closes his eyes, and leans his head back. ashton wets his hair, then starts to massage the shampoo in.

"theres so many knots, baby," ashton sighs, "you know im gonna have to untangle these, right?"

"i know," calum says sadly. ashton turns around, opens up the second drawer down under the sink, and pulled out one of michaels extra combs.

poor calum did not have a good time with getting those knots untangled. ashton, of course, tried his best to not yank on calums head too much, but his big knot was the hardest to untangle. so, with each harsh tug to calums head, made the boy more and more upset.

"w-why?" calum hiccups out, digging his fingernails into the palms of his hands. ashton stops for a second, and sits back down on his knees.

"why what, callie?"

"why...why do we need a break?" calum whispers, staring at the water in front of him. silence drowns them as ashton bites his lip, and takes a deep breath.

"you know i love you. you know i would never, ever leave you. but, this break-"

"i have never felt pain like this before, and it hurts so bad but you can't see anything," calum whispers, and he can't stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks. ashton feels regret bubble in his gut, but he has to stay strong.

"i just can't understand why you think we needed a break. i mean...what did i do?"

"you didnt do anything...we both fell, calum. and you want to know why i said i needed a break? i have taken care of you for almost ten years now. and no, i absolutely love taking care of you. you're gonna be my baby til the day i die. im just...im getting older, and my body was hurting more and, you know what that doesn't even matter. what matters, and i know you don't see it like this, but...you are so dependent on me, love. and im so dependent on taking care of you that some days i forget to take care of myself. i need you to be able to be independent on your own, in case something happened to me. i want you to be able to function on your own, and think for yourself. i need to relax, and take some time for myself."

"oh, screw you!" calum yells, letting himself really feel the pain that dug into his heart, "you know how bad i struggle with anxiety and depression and you thought this break would be good for me to be independent? why can't i be independent with you?!"

"because in all the years we've been together, and i've tried to push you out of your comfort zone, you curl back into yourself! you hide behind me! so, you need to be without me for a bit to be independent!"

"no i don't! ashton i do better when im with you!" calum cries desperately.

"this is why i didn't want to say anything!" ashton cries back, "calum, you need a life that's outside of me! you need to think without asking me what i think first! you need to form your own thoughts and go out with friends for a night and have fun without me! you're my life, calum! i love you with my whole heart! i can't keep keeping you in this bubble and i cant keep working myself as much as i do. you may not see this like i do, you may think im the worst person ever but im doing this to hopefully make you stronger!"

"how are you making me stronger by crushing my heart!?" calum yells. both boys just stare at each other, panting. it was hard, for ashton, to get to his breaking point where he thought this break was needed.

ashton was about to open his mouth, to answer calum, but the younger boy is gripping ashtons shirt in his fists, and pulling ashton forward to meet for a bruising kiss.

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poor babe):
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