little love

15

"whats happening to us?"

calum doesn't leave his room for the rest of the day. he doesn't touch the rest of the food left on the plate. in fact, he doesn't even leave his bed.

calum does that thing where he bounces back between little space and big boy since he was depressed and hurt and sad. so, by the end of the night, not only was his face wet with tears, his bed was also wet. he couldn't help but think that maybe...maybe it was his fault.

maybe he was playing the victim. maybe he should go apologize to his daddy since his daddy was always right. yet, calum still couldn't get over the fact that it hurt. it doesn't matter if ashton didn't notice, or that he didn't say his safeword...ashton still hurt calum, and there wasnt any taking it back.

it breaks calums heart more when he hears ashton get ready for bed, and then shut his bedroom door. it was like ten thousand more thoughts just swam around calums head telling him how worthless, how stupid, how ugly, how useless he was.

it got to the point where calum had both hands in his hair, tugging at the dark strands in an attempt to stop the thoughts.

calum fell asleep like that - tear stained cheeks and hands in his hair.

_

ashton wakes up like normal, does his business, and heads down to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. even when he hears footsteps entering the kitchen as he's pouring some coffee into a cup, he doesn't acknowledge it.

"a-ashton!"

ashton turns around, and gasps when he sees calum. his hair is a complete mess, his eyes are red, his cheeks are tear-stained and puffy, he has bags under his eyes, and he looks overall sad and tired.

"yes, calum? did you want some coffee?"

calum hiccups, "we...n-need to talk."

"okay, sit," ashton says, nodding to the table. calum nods, and sits down - the poor boy does his best to stay out of his little space since they needed to have this conversation. as much as calum just....wasn't ready, he needed to do this. they needed to do this.

when ashton sits down across from him, that bad, uneasy feeling instantly grew in his gut. it felt like it twisted all of his insides, and then  wrapped around each other in a tight, painful way.

it was like calum knew what was coming, but he just didnt want to see it.

"whats up?" ashton asks after they sit through a couple moments of silence. the way ashtons words just...flow so easily makes calum more sick.

"just...listen, please," calum whispers, taking a deep breath, "i don't...i don't care if you think you didn't hurt me. you did, and thats it. it hurts me even more when you just walk away and i don't understand why you've been walking away more lately."

ashton groans, "seriously? you wanna know why i walk away? because its stupid and not worth my time. you wanna put a hole in the wall, and then cry about it even though you never apologized to me? it pisses me off when you are in the wrong yet you play victim!"

"forget me putting a hole in the wall!" calum cries, "you hurt me last night! you knew i was in my little space and-and you screwed me like i wasnt! i was over stimulated, over-used, and abused by you and you can't see what you did wrong!"

"oh, right, sorry," ashton says, throwing his hands up, "you're right, you're completely right! i guess i should've asked if you were ready to close your legs or not, skank!"

calum gasps, "you didnt!"

"i just did! you know what, this is bullshit, especially coming from someone who spreads his legs-"

"stop!" calum cries, shoving his hands over his ears, "stop!"

ashtons chest is heaving, and so is calums. the only sound in the room was calums sobs. the anger that swam around the room, was starting to drift away.

calum looks up to ashton, tears falling down his cheeks quickly.

ashton just frowns at calum.

"i-i don't know what's g-going on," calum whispers.

"i don't either," ashton says softly.

as they sat across from the table, they both felt like there was more and more space growing between them. calum nor ashton could figure out where things started to go wrong.

"calum, i..." ashton trails off, looking at calum, "you know i love you, yeah?"

calum nods weakly, "i love you too."

then, everything that calum feared, started to come to life.

"maybe," ashton whispers, looking down at his untouched coffee, "...maybe we need a break."

calums world crumbles.

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poor babies):
comments? predictions?
unedited
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