Karasuno Fight {One Shot Book}

Mutual (Someone You Loved)

During his time as the temporary leader of the gang, Kindaichi thinks about things. About himself, about Kageyama, and about the way his lips were still tingling from when Kageyama kissed him.

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The hustle and bustle of the city was nothing new, and something Kindaichi had long become accustomed to. The world beyond the window was a faded gray, the usually bright colors hazy from the drizzling rain. The inside of the hideout was dark save for the patch of light provided by the window, bathing Kindaichi in a pale gray-white glow.

He was alone. The others had left long ago, returning to the main base to wind down after the grueling week they had spent on fulfilling their duties. He had opted to say behind himself, under the guise that he was paranoid and just wanted to check again that everything would be running smoothly.

No one had questioned his words, some bidding their goodbyes while others teased him about prematurely aging from working too hard, and just left.

Now, he knocked his forehead against the window with a quiet thud and closed his eyes, a tired sigh brushing past his lips. He was exhausted, physically and mentally. His emotions were both muted and on high alert. His mental state was shot to hell and back. He wondered to himself how he hadn't crashed from emotional burnout yet.

But deep down inside himself he knew. He knew exactly why he hadn't burned out yet.

The last time Kindaichi held Kageyama's hand was a few days before Kageyama left. Kageyama's expression was the same indifferent frown it always was, his hand wrapped around Kindaichi's and squeezing tight. His long, calloused fingers were hooked around his own, the skin of Kageyama's palm warm where it touched Kindaichi's.

He had laid in bed with Kageyama then, the kid settled carefully into the space between his arm and his side, his cheek smushed gently against Kindaichi's chest. And at first he said nothing, just basking in the serine quiet of the hideout with each other. Then, he spoke.

"I know the responsibility of a boss is a big one, but I also know that you're going to be fine."

He also said that he was going to be a reliable boss in his stead, but by the time the conversation had gotten that far, Kindaichi found himself lost in his own memories.

Kindaichi never wanted to imagine the gang without Kageyama. He understood that of course that was inevitable, that as a gang leader the threat of death followed Kageyama, that from now until the end of days, he was marked.

Staring at him then, Kindaichi had felt defeated, his hands trembling lightly and his heart pounding in his chest. He didn't want to remember Kageyama touching him this way, as a goodbye woven into the creases of his skin.

Kindaichi had known Kageyama's touches in more ways than he probably should have - watching him curl his fingertips around a gun and pull the trigger, gently bandaging a wound or two after a turf war, or lacing their sweaty hands together in the darkness of Kageyama's room. Both of them intertwined in many, many ways.

Those times were precious to him, rare memories that he wanted to keep, to hold close and protect until his last dying breath. Not the moment where Kageyama's smile had been small but genuine, his deep blue eyes softened. He didn't like the shakiness of his hand in Kageyama's own steady one. It wasn't supposed to happen like it did.

Kageyama had told him that he was leaving with the red haired kid and his guardian - Hinata and Ennoshita, he recalled - and accompanying them on their journey to Sugawara's territory, way outside the city.

Kindaichi had resigned himself to the fact that he wasn't so special anymore. Kageyama's eyes brightened when he was around Hinata, and he was so damn protective of him, so willing to bare himself, if only a little, to this stupid stupid kid.

It made logical sense, this kid cared about Kageyama the same way Kindaichi did, unconditionally and without wanting anything in return. But Kindaichi couldn't seem to push down the twinges of jealousy and regret which often times stung in his chest. Kindaichi had resigned himself, because he didn't want to look like a fool in front of Kageyama.

Kageyama had kissed him, his lips warm and gentle as they settled over Kindaichi's own. Kindaichi hadn't kissed back, too shocked to do anything beyond widen his eyes and go completely limp.

The kiss ended as quickly as it began Kageyama had pulled away with a soft sigh, fingers firmly gripping his hand. Kindaichi had just stared, his body and mind frozen in time.

"I need you to take care of them for me, Kindaichi." Kageyama had whispered, bringing Kindaichi's conscious back to the darkness of the room in which they had stood, the room Kageyama was about to leave behind. "You're the leader now, you have to be strong."

Kindaichi had said nothing, just stared at Kageyama until his vision became blurry and he shut his eyes tight, bowing his head in defeat. 

A hand cradled through his hair as he cried, a small comfort in the face of his pitiful sniffling.

"You have to be strong, Kindaichi." He had said. "You're the leader now."

Now, in the darkness of the empty room, Kindaichi felt defeated. Tears silently dripped from behind closed eyes, his lips tingling from a selfish selfish feeling he would likely never feel again.

Kindaichi was the leader now, and he hated himself for it.