So Mingyu was shocked knowing that the letter was really for me. I told him my address in Korea back then and it's no surprise why the mail got lost. Mingyu was really nice to let me talk to his dad and he told me that Mingyu's sister will visit and he don't want to take a risk and send the mail again so he'll just pass it to Mingyu's sister to deliver it to me. I waited for like a week until I got a text from Mingyu 10 minutes ago. His sister arrived at 2am and Mingyu texted me that he'll drive to my apartment so he can give it to me... I don't really know how to thank him for going this far.
I'm sitting nervously at my couch staring at the clock. When the clock hits 12:13 that's when I heard the door. I'm excited, nervous, scared, all the fucking emotions you can feel... I have it all mixed up. I walk towards the door as fast as I can and open it up seeing Mingyu wearing casual shorts and long sleeved shirt. He extend his arm and that's where I saw an envelope which looks like it's been through a lot. It's not ruined or anything, the slightly wrinkled paper gave it in. I sigh out deeply as I grab the letter from Mingyu carefully like it'll rip out in just a light pull.
"I'll leave you with it" he said making me look back at him "call me if you don't feel good" he added making me smile as I nod at him
"Thank you" I said before he turn around to head over the elevator. I close the door the same time the elevator door closes. I went back to the couch and put the envelope on the table. It feels like I'm ready to open it up but I'm also very scared. I look up at the clock once more and stare at it for a little longer before looking back at the envelope. This time I grab it from the table and open it up. I keep the other half of the paper folded so I won't see everything yet. I'll probably stop when this is not going to be a good news.
"Dear Lisa,
Hi, it's been a while. I honestly don't know what to say to you. I'm just writing this but I won't really send it to you. Quite dumb but I guess I'm just letting my thoughts out before... I get married. This feels odd for me. First, I'm sorry I won't invite you to my wedding.. I know you don't approve Kang for me since the beginning anyway. I mean you really won't, you're my girlfriend... You were my girlfriend. I'd be lying if I'm not thinking about marrying you instead of Kang... That sounds so fucked up but that is what it is. I decided to marry Kang for a couple of reasons.. it'll be good for me, for Ella and hopefully for you too. He helped me settle down here in LA. He helped me get my job as a doctor here in LA. He's taking care of Ella when all I did was cry and be sad about what happened to us. I admit that I'm rushing things with this wedding but it'll still be the ending in the long run. My mom did asked me to date Kang when we moved here but I was the one who chose to stay with him. I don't even know who to blame with all of these bullshit cause honestly I just want to take all the blame at this point. For the past 3 years of moving here in LA, I missed you a lot but I keep getting you out of my mind cause I was mad at you. While I'm dating Kang and stayed with him in an apartment I was wondering why the light footsteps coming home sounds soothing rather than his big heavy footsteps that I didn't even want to get up and greet him with a hug like I used to do to you. I don't know why the cuddles in bed turned in to a back to back kind of sleeping. I don't know why the loud home turned into an empty house. But like I said im not even planning on sending this. Lisa, we had our chance.. twice. I can't take so many chances cause I have a kid... I promised my sister that I will take care of Ella no matter what. I don't know why it has to be so hard for the both of us. I'd spend the rest of my life with you if I can... But I guess I can't "
I put the letter down on the table as I burry my face on my palms. This letter just made more confused. I don't even know what to do at this point. I grab my phone beside me and open it up. It's late but I'll send Jennie a message anyway. I just need to talk to her right now. I said that I will wait at the stairs of the fire exit. I don't know if she'll show up to be honest... I'll just wait either way.
I grab my blazer to wear over my black turtleneck. I walk out with the letter inside my blazer's pocket. It is really cold outside so I hope Jennie will wear something warm before going out... If she will go out. I open the door of the fire exit and sit on the stairs cause I'll probably wait for a long time.
As I was waiting for no more than 2 minutes I heard the door open and shut behind me. I turn around to see Jennie wearing a cardigan with her arms crossed like she's still cold. She look down at me with the same blank expression.
"You're not asleep yet?" I ask and she didn't give any answer. She just breathe in deeply and stand there like she's just waiting for me to talk. I stand up this time and face her. The space in here isn't that wide but it seems like it, by the way Jennie stand very far from me... It seems like the room is way too big for the two of us. "you sent me something" I started and that doesn't really grab her interest "2 years ago. Actually, someone else sent it to me. But you're the one who wrote it"
"You're mistaken" she said
"I don't think so" I said and pull the letter out of my blazer to show her. She forcefully grabbed it from my hand as she scan the letter she wrote. Her expression changes slowly but she didn't bother reading the rest of it as she put it down
"This is bullshit" she said but I keep my eyes on her as I'm not sure if I should believe that " This doesn't mean anything. This was years ago and this doesn't mean anything" the way she repeated that sounds more of convincing herself rather than convincing me.
"Are you happy with your marriage?" I asked. I don't know if she still feel that way towards Kang.
"I am" she said firmly
"Can you be honest to me right now? Just this once" I stare at her straight on her eyes
"Do you want me to be honest?" She said repeating my question which I answered with a nod "I'm not happy with my marriage. Is that enough for you? It's not like you can do anything about it Lisa so stop asking these stupid questions"
"Why aren't you happy with your marriage?" She seems pissed off and I bet my question will just make her more mad than she already is. I was expecting her to shout at my face but she close her eyes and breathe deeply before opening it up again and looking straight into my eyes
"Because he's not you"
