Hikikomori (ひきこもり)

1.

chapter one

BONNIE

Ambulances and police cars flood the street the ring of the sirens pounding my ears like my heart beating through my chest. My eyes are fixed on my mothers pale face and the life drained from it. Something like a scream escapes me and I'm shaking her hoping that she will open her eyes and wake up. She's not- I cant process the word. I won't. "Please open your eyes." I whisper repetitively. I yell my voice cracking "You can't leave me." I gasp my throat tight. Some one tugs me by my waist and lifts me off the ground away from her laying body. "Let go of me!" I yell while I thrash my legs in the air. Tears stream my face and I give up fighting back. My eyes shut as the image of her body lays on my mind.

I'm running through the dim hallways my thoughts chasing me like the monsters in my nightmares. Except this time the monsters don't have pointy teeth and horns. They look like me. I burst inside the room, and I almost fall to my knees when I see doctors and nurses frantically trying to fix her.

My head goes cloudy and I almost forgot that I have been running across the hospital floors looking for her. A pair of soft eyes meet mine, but looks away. I stay quiet behind one of the oxygen tanks, and watch at the scene before me. The blood spilled over her stomach, her nose cupped with the air filter, her limp arms taped with wires. I feel bile rising up my throat but my eyes stay plastered on her face. My breaths follow the beeping of my mothers heart. Keep breathing. I repeat to myself. Her eyes are flickering to the ceiling and I try to stop the urge of running to her.

As if she read my mind her grey eyes dart to mine. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. I push out a smile, to reassure her everything is going to be fine. Her face is stiff but she manages to give me a smile which I know is causing her pain. Her eyes well up with tears and so those mine. "SOMEONE GET A 356!" The same nurse yells. The pulse of her heart rises and it rings my ears. Till theres nothing but silence.

A gasp escapes my throat and I break. "NO!" I scream but it barely sounds like a whisper. I feel arms pulling me away, but I don't care and shove them off. Everything seems to go in slow motion as I watch them pull the covers over my mothers face and begin to push her away. "STOP! PLEASE DONT-" I'm crying now the tears seeming to suffocate me. I collapse to the cold marble floor, the realisation knocking me. She's dead. She's dead and she's never coming back. I ignore the hands trying to pull me up and I curl into a ball trying to stop the burning in my chest. The deafening sound of her pulse rings my ears and I cup my hands over my ears and scream. My scream echoes through the room, but the ringing wont stop. Someone is knelt down beside me stroking my hair, she's murmuring something to me but I can barely hear her. "Look, everything is going to fine." Her gentle voice says. I almost want to laugh. How is everything going to be fine? Who's gonna be there for Timothy- Oh my god. Timothy. My breaths begin to get faster and I can feel my body trembling. "Someone help me get her up, she's having a panic attack!" Her voice yells.