Accidentally Assisting

Chapter 42 - Goodbye, Bangtan

Long chapter since I didn't know where to cut it. 

How are you guys doing these days? November has been one of the toughest months of the year for me, so I'm just holding onto BTS's comeback and the end of this horrible month. 

To all my peeps out there struggling because of covid, loneliness, online drama, and the craziness of 2020 in general, just know that I feel you, and I've got you. You're not alone with this. As Namjoon said, we are strong. 

Yours,

Eva x

...

The whole day, I barely focus on my work as all my repressed doubts of the last few weeks have come back in full force.

The meeting and my fight with Jungkook earlier have just confirmed what deep down I've always known: there's no healthy way for Jungkook and me to be together. Either we stay we are now, and I'll keep hurting myself in the process of watching him being in a fake relationship with someone else.

Or I break up with him, but then what? I live with the man and work with him, seeing him without being allowed to love with him will just bring me even more agony.

Following that train of thought, I could quit, but this would bring so many more problems to the table. It's extremely rare to quit your job in Korea -especially a job that you're genuinely happy with- since it's literally impossible to get one in the first place. When you have a job, you don't let go. If I quit, I will have to think of a plausible reason I can tell my superiors.

Sure, I could take this opportunity to finally start college, and maybe I'll even find another job – although people might find it suspicious that I quit my old one for no apparent reason – but none of this guarantees I'll ever truly escape Jungkook. BTS basically rules Korea at this point – you cannot walk longer than five minutes in Seoul without spotting their faces plastered on an ad or poster.

No, as long as I stay in South Korea, Jungkook will remain in my mind.

Sighing, I bury my head in my hands as I ask myself how I managed to entangle myself in this mess that seems to end badly for me, no matter which path I choose.

Absentmindedly, I scroll through my e-mail account until I find Joshua Ahn's fucking job offer in New York again. A few days ago, even considering that offer might have seemed absurd to me. But now... a dangerous thought persistently pierces from my mind, hinting that moving far, far away from everything might be the only way I'll truly find happiness again.

I need to talk to someone about this. Someone wise, someone unbiased. Which already rules out my parents, and all of my friends.

And then, ironically enough, I decide to turn to the person Jungkook always turns to when he needs advice.

Kim Namjoon.

I find him in the studio, talking with a producer. Luckily, no other BTS members are here. I don't want to draw too much attention to myself.

Surprised, Namjoon looks up as I enter after knocking hesitantly, my heart beating loudly in my chest. "Oh, hello, Rose. Jungkook's not here."

"I know." I clear my throat and force myself to meet his eyes. "I was looking for you, actually. Do you maybe have a minute?"

Suddenly, I'm embarrassed about even coming here. What was I thinking, that Namjoon's my therapist? He's not my band member and therefore also not my leader. He doesn't owe me anything.

Namjoon exchanges confused glances with the producer before he says: "Yeah, sure. Would you like to speak to me alone?"

His steady honey-like voice calms me down a bit, and I send the producer an apologizing gaze. "Yes, if that's okay."