Her Imperfections

Chapter Seven

Sophie stepped back and her foot caught on the chair, causing her to land harshly back into it. "What you mean?" She asked, arms wrapping around her stomach as it flopped in dread.
Mr. Forkle waved a hand to her friends and they exited without a word. Sophie did notice that Keefe's eyes looked especially red and sore. He opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it and avoided her gaze as he left.
Sophie shook off the strangeness of his behavior and focused on Mr. Forkle. "What. Happened?"
Alden leaned in too as Mr. Forkle wrung his hands till they cracked and popped. "It was Atlantis. The entire city went down."
The entire city.
Sophie breathed out.
For elves it would be a complete massacre.
Sophie grabbed the desk as the world blurred and her breath caught, tears collecting on her cuffs. She couldn't believe it.
"Sophie, Sophie stay with me." Forkle bent down to take her hands.
Sophie tried to focus on his face, the sound of his voice. She had never truly felt how guilt effected an elf's mind but she knew it now. It wasn't a second of pain and then black. No, it was slow. Clawing through her heart and squeezing every good thing till she could only see stars.
In the pain, a wave of powerful emotions pushed through. It steadied her shaking mind and Sophie latched onto the emotion like a small child. She just wanted the pain to end. She just wanted to go back, to fix it all.
More waves came, each one pushing the pain down farther. Her eyes fluttered to see Keefe standing over her, crying.
When she opened her eyes he pulled her into a hug. And then, so quietly Sophie doubted she heard it, he said, "I thought I lost you."
Sophie hugged him back and cried, "Me too."
"Ms. Foster, can you hear me?"
Nodding, Sophie wiped at her face and looked up at Forkle. She must have fallen to the ground because he was crouched down by her side now. Her friends littered the room with worried expressions aimed at her, marred with the guilt of the accident.
Mr. Forkle sighed and clutched his chest, "I though you were gone."
Sophie nodded, "I'm f- I'm fine."
It wasn't true, but she wasn't going to admit that even with Keefe's waves the guilt was as ever present as her echoes that had now stirred.
"I knew I should have waited to tell you. I'm sorry."
Sophie shook her head and let Keefe help her to stand. "No, I just can't believe it. I mean, how? I was just talking to Fintan a second ago. I-"
"I know. We know." Mr. Forkle looked worse than he ever had. "The Council wants to meet with Team Valiant in half an hour. We need you to go home and get ready."
Sophie squeezed her eyes and took a breath before nodding. "Got it."
But as she pushed past him through the door, Sophie didn't even know if she was ready to handle being the Direwolf. Couldn't she be allowed to grieve for one second?
"Sophie!?"
She didn't know who was yelling for her but Sophie didn't care. Each step grew less shaky and anger started to coil around her heart, bleeding through it. How dare Fintan do this?
Sophie yanked open a balcony door and pulled herself onto the railing before jumping off. The void cracked open and Sophie soon felt the soft grass of Havenfield beneath her feet.
Edaline and Grady were waiting in the living room for her with matched expressions of grief.
"Sophi-"
"I don't want to talk." Sophie growled, taking two steps at a time up the stairs.
Edaline luckily didn't follow after and Sophie stormed into her room alone. As the door shut Sophie felt her breath grow rapid again. Her hands fumbled through hangers of dresses as Sophie pressed one palm to her tearing eyes. She didn't want to cry, but every breath brought more and more tears.
Breathing through the pain, Sophie pulled out one of the dresses Edaline got her as a midterm gift. It was lavender, a delicate color.
But Sophie threw it to the floor. Ripping through the fabrics of orange, blue, red, Sophie finally found what she was looking for.
A green so dark it almost looked black. The perfect color of life mingled with death. Sophie hugged the silky cloth to her chest for a second, the stripped off her tunic and leggings.
Sophie pulled up the dress and started on the complicated zig zags of green ribbons to tie up the back. She turned to the mirror as she did and almost started crying again at her appearance.
She looked even worse than Keefe. Eyebags lined with raw soreness and tears. Her eyes looked tired and red, worn out from the trauma she had seen. Sophie tugged the last strings of the dress and wiped her eyes, turning quickly away from the mirror.
Her hair was less of a mess and Sophie didn't really care how it looked. In light of the situation, she doubted the Council would even notice. Sophie now faced the descicion of her Team Valiant circlets, something she had been avoiding since she learned of the mission.
How could one circlet even begin to show how she should act? They all seemed wrong, so beautiful and wrong. Sophie shut the box, her decision sealed.
She wasn't going to wear a circlet. She wanted to show the council that she wasn't there as the Direwolf or the Moonlark.
She was there a elf whose mind was cracked with grief.
She was there as a grieving citizen.
She was there to be there for herself, not for anyone else.
So why did everyone always expect more?