Somewhere in the Avenue (Velez Cousins Series #1)

Chapter 36

tw: suicide, death

Chapter 36

Reason

"Ya, I told you I'm fine." I rolled my eyes as I roam around my big hotel room.

It's been a week since I decided to stay away from home. Not a single day pass without me receiving a distress call from Yaya Imelda. Alalang-alala siya sa'kin at tanong ng tanong kung nasaan ako. Ayoko namang sabihin dahil paniguradong pupunta iyon dito. I want to be alone for now.

"Pero anak, isang linggo ka na sa kung saan ka man ngayon. Kumakain ka ba sa saktong oras? Mga damit mo? Wala ka pa namang dalang damit! Saan ka ba tumutuloy ngayon?" sunod-sunod na tanong niya sa'kin.

I was silent. Nasa isang well-reviewed five star hotel ako pansamantalang nag-s-stay ngayon. I've been here for a week with the help of my almost untouched credit cards. It's a good thing that they haven't done anything to find me. Kung noon siguro ay malulungkot ako at makakaramdam na parang hindi ako importante. But this case is different today. I actually like it that my Mom didn't lift a finger to let someone search for my whereabouts.

I heard my Mom wants me to come home already. Something about their upcoming wedding? I scoffed.

"Ya... I'm perfectly fine here." I sighed at umupo sa love seat ng hotel room ko, "Don't worry, I shopped for clothes last week. Atsaka, h'wag kang masyadong mag-alala sa'kin. Hindi naman ako magpapakamatay-"

"Einra!" she cut me off, "Ang bibig mo ha!"

I sighed. "Ya, I need to go. Pagod ako. I'm going to have my afternoon siesta now."

I didn't wait for her to say her goodbyes and just ended the call right away. I sighed again. I feel guilty for shutting her out pero her presence is really not a big help for me right now. Her presence can't comfort during this time, and I want to be alone. Everyone feels like a nuisance to me. I know she meant well and I understand myself for making this decision pero nako-konsensya pa rin ako. I hope she'll understand why I have to do this.

Determinado talaga akong umalis ng bahay. I was planning to let Yaya Imelda know about my whereabouts pero 'tsaka na. For a moment, I thought about talking to my Dad but remembering his undying love to my Mom...pains me.

Just by thinking about his reaction kapag nalaman niya na may fiancée ang pinakamamahal niya...ewan ko lang. I feel so sorry for my Dad more than I feel sorry for myself. I know my parents are already divorced but I know how much he loves my Mom. I can't bring myself to tell him. Mas gusto ko pang ako lang ang masaktan kaysa sa kaniya. He is so precious to me.

Ako? I'm alive and kicking. Yes, I do have genuine feelings for that man who used me. Yes, I was hurt and angry. But I am strong. I will not waver. I just need a little time for myself. Have I already accepted everything? Yes. The moment I walked out of the house, that's the moment when I faced the bitter truth. But I can handle myself, I will not breakdown. The reason isn't worth it.

Everything is still fresh like it happened yesterday. Galit pa rin ako at hindi magawang patawarin siya. Spending a week all by myself made me realized that there's only one person I should be angry with: Deonell, my so-called boyfriend.

I already accepted the fact that my parents will no longer be together again. Although it's quite difficult to accept, I still managed to do it and accept the fact that my Mom is engaged again to someone. It took quite a few days to absorb and process it. Pero kahit pa tanggap ko na, hindi ko pa rin kayang ipakita ang suporta ko para sa kaniya at sa kaniyang mapapangasawa. I can't bring myself to come home for their wedding. Hindi ako martyr. I won't do something na labag sa kalooban ko.