The Difference Between You and Me

Chapter 20

Jade entered the kitchen yawning not giving much thought to her attire or messy hair as no one lives here but herself and her grandma and people hardly came to visit them anyway.

"Good morning," her grandma said upon seeing her

"Mhm," Jade simply replied taking a seat at the counter

"Do you want some coffee?"

"I don't drink coffee grandma," Jade said bluntly

"Since when?"

"Since forever"

"Oh," her grandmother said and put back the extra cup. "You can make yourself breakfast if you'd like"

"I'm not hungry either," Jade shrugged

"Then what are you?" her grandma raised a brow

"Empty"

"Have you been going to Dr. Lopez?"

"Yes," Jade lied

"But she said that she hasn't seen you in weeks," her grandma pressed

"That's because it's true"

Her grandma stared at her blankly as if waiting for her to say something else which she did. "Those sessions aren't helping grandma"

"I don't think you are trying. As a matter of fact you will be going after school on Monday because I scheduled a session with Dr. Lopez"

"I have to volunteer at the animal shelter with Ammie after school on Monday," Jade protested

"I don't care," her grandma simply said and left the kitchen.

---

Jade sat on the floor in front of her bed staring at the only picture she had left of her family. She had decided not to go to school and spent the entire day just spacing out and numbing herself to the pain that kept knowing at her insides.

One day Jade's mom and dad were fighting as they had been doing for days and her older brother Tonny whose room was right next to hers was blasting his speakers, so she couldn't concentrate on a geology essay which she was working on. She decided to go to Joey's to finish it since it was due the next day. But Jade came back to charred remains of her house, an earthquake had apparently taken place, and the scented candles which she forgot to out in her bathroom caught the house on fire and her family perished. After that she went to live with her grandmother who lived in the neighbouring town and who also blamed her every day for the deaths. Jade had attempted suicide twice and was recommended to attend therapy sessions.

She remembered the photo was taken by a stranger whom they had stopped on the golden gate bridge while on their vacation in San Francisco. Everyone was so happy, as shown in the photograph, as it was a vacation they had been planning for months. She ran her fingers across the frame, a tear threatening to escape.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. Just then her door open and her grandma's head peeked in.

"Can I come in?" she asked curtly, and Jade nodded

"What are you doing with that?" her grandma asked harshly glancing down at the frame in Jade's hands.

"I...I miss them," Jade answered still staring down at the picture.

"No one told you to murder them," her grandmother shrugged

"It was an accident," Jade said weakly. She had grown tired of this conversation already. Her grandma stops at nothing to remind her that her family's death was her fault as if already knowing that wasn't gutting or heavy enough for Jade to walk around with.

"Whatever return my frame. I don't want you destroying the only captured memory I have of them. And I'm here to discuss your plans for college. Are you going?" Her grandma talked as if all the life had been sucked from her body. So dull and dreary, her face held no emotions and neither did her tone, at no time did it go higher and lower. And sometimes she didn't even speak. Jade knew that more than anyone else her grandma was most affected by the fire and death of her family. But she did love Jade, she was just finding it hard to get over the lost even after so long and had refused to see a psychologist while ensuring that Jade did.

"Yes grandma. I applied for NYU"

"NYU? So you plan to go to school on the other side of the country. What are you trying to do, get away from me? You took my family and now you want to leave me too? Is that it Jade?"

"Stop! Okay! Stop! Yes, I want to go to school on the other side of the country to get away from you. Is that what you want to hear grandma?! Is it? You keep forgetting that I lost them too you know. And I have to live with the guilt that because of some stupid scented candles and the great mother nature, I am an orphan. I have to live with the fact that killed my family and you reminding me every day is only pushing me away. Why'd you think I tried to kill myself before huh? Because it's absolutely unbearable, I want to be with them so bad and all I ask is for you to make it bearable for me. If you don't want to lose me too then act like it," Jade said in frustration tears filling her eyes but none daring to fall. She was all cried out after months, years of just sitting in the dark and balling out her eyes. But her grandma sat there sobbing until she stood up and left the room without another word.