The Difference Between You and Me

Chapter 35

Annie poured herself a cup of bitter black coffee. Gia had kept her up all night crying and throwing things all over the room. It was a good thing that today is Saturday. Rubbing her bloodshot eyes, Annie thought about calling Ruth. She hadn't spoke to her in months because Ruth had asked her not to worry too much about keeping in touch but to enjoy university and take care of herself. Reassuring Annie that knowing that she was having tons of fun was enough. Just then her phone rang, and she rushed to her desk to pick it up before it wakes Gia.

"Hello?" she asked into the phone.

"It's Isabelle. I don't really care about how you are doing. I just wanted to tell you that Grandma died last week. She'd been sick for a while with pneumonia and well she got worse as time passed. She died before having a chance to finish her updated will and I'm glad because she was going to leave you something. Gosh, what a grave mistake that would've been. So anyways, we got everything and have decided that we can no longer fund you for university anymore. So umm have an amazing life. Bye."

As soon as Isabelle ended the call, the phone fell from Annie's hand and time froze. She couldn't breathe, couldn't move, couldn't think. Annie was paralyzed and the little piece of hope that she clung on to because of Ruth, because of her sister was fading with each passing minute.

Dear Ammie,

I became everything I ever feared I'd become. The darkness I can now see in the ink of my tears. Monsters, well guess what I am now while sitting in this chair. And I guess now I've become my own worst nightmare.

Thought at the end of the day we're the only ones that give the power to our fears. So we either face them and go down trying or never face them and end up consumed from the inside. Prey to everything that we tried to hide.

Life wasn't perfect for me and at this point it isn't good either. But life isn't fair, life just is. And maybe that will never be comforting to any of us or make our burdens any less heavy or bearable. But a being in the spiritual realm once told us to cast all our anxiety on him because he cares for us. It's weird right? Someone we've never met, can't see and frankly don't know if is even real telling us to make our problems his to worry about because he...'cares'. What's the meaning of such a simple word anyway that seems to hold immense value? Care was a lot of things and meant a lot of things, but an essential ingredient to care is love. So what then is love and why does this unseen, unknown spiritual being loves us, but our parents often don't?

You must be wondering what I'm getting at so let's get straight to the point. At seventeen years old Trina, my stepmother wanted me out of the house and insisted on it. Upon our father's refusal she would constantly physically abuse me, but I didn't say anything because she is a really good liar. Not long after she finally convinced my father and he threw me out of the house. I was homeless and right now I kind of still am. But right when I was about to give up on everything, an angel came and took me under her wings. Ruth Burrows invited me into her house and cared for me. She gave me a renewed hope for life. But now Ruth is dead, and all hope is lost.

I've spent the entire day Ammie trying to digest everything, everything that I call and called life. But I'm just choking and regurgitating it all back up. I'm screaming in my mind and it's loud and crowded. There's no peace in the thoughts I find, and I can see the signs of the darkness I'm spiralling into. I wish I could fix it but all I can do is slow bleed.

Ruth once told me to never stop smiling and for a while I thought that was possible. But my smile is no more, it has become weak and can no longer survive the gutting pain that is right now spreading to my windpipe, locking off my air supply. I guess there's not much more left to say. I love you Ammie Brians.