Evil....Maybe Not

One Step At A time

Deku's POV:

I woke up the next morning wrapped in Kaachan's arms, a sense of comfort mingling with the hazy fog of my memories from the previous night. I couldn't recall much of what happened, but I was certain I had done something foolish. I took a deep breath, savoring the calming scent of his pheromones, and exhaled slowly. I needed to sort this out.

Alright, Deku, you have a family to care for. What have I been questioning lately? Am I being overly dramatic? Let's consider the big picture. What I went through was far from ordinary. It was violating and distressing, and I have every right to feel upset. But am I shutting myself off too much? I shouldn't, especially since Kaachan has been trying to help, and I haven't been letting him. I need to start sharing my thoughts with him instead of assuming he won't understand.

I also experience these blackouts during episodes that feel like I'm reliving past trauma. It's unsettling and often leaves me disoriented. What should I do about it? Maybe embracing what happened and coming to terms with it could help. It's not just a memory anymore—it's a part of me. I have a family now, and I need to be present for them. I can't keep wallowing in my wounds like a puppy. I've been doing that for too long. The anxiety I feel when Kaachan leaves might never completely go away, but it can improve, especially with Izumi here. I can do this. I have to.

I ended up mumbling to myself for about 30 minutes before I accidentally woke Kaachan.

"So, you want to talk about all of this finally?" Had he been awake the whole time? I was hoping to bring it up later, but I guess it's now or never.

"Yes, but just know that I'm not fully mentally prepared for it."

He nodded and gave me a reassuring back rub. His large, warm hand was calming, and I began to ramble about my feelings. Kaachan listened attentively, humming in response. I explained everything I had been thinking and how I intended to address it, but I needed his support.

"I'm always here to help you. I never stopped," he said.

I smiled and continued. 

Soon after, a small knock came at the door. "Papa?"

Though she took after Kaachan in many ways, Izumi was well-mannered. Her voice was soft, but there was a spark of enthusiasm in it that reminded me of her bright personality.

"Come in!"

She trotted over on her bare feet, gave Kaachan a kiss on the cheek, and said, "Glad you're home, Dada!" 

He chuckled and leaned over to ruffle her hair, but she stopped him."No messing up my hair!"

"You're a little feisty one in the morning, aren't you?"

Kaachan got up and playfully chased after her. "No head pats equals no movie night with Dada!"

She gasped dramatically. "You wouldn't dare!"

Kaachan crossed his arms. "I would!"

They bantered while making breakfast together. Cheerfully, they called me over and presented a plate of eggs and bacon. "Why, thank you!"

I smiled and enjoyed the meal with my family. I reminded myself not to miss these small, precious moments.

I woke up early, determined to address my mental health because something still felt off. I had managed to talk to Kaachan, a significant step forward, but now I needed to come to terms with my past trauma. It was a long time ago, but the memories and the lingering feelings still haunted me. The experience, though not full-blown assault, left me shattered. The physical sensations and the words spoken to me continue to haunt me, though I've come to accept them as part of me.