Recall || Levi Ackerman

【６－１】

Like I promised after school on Tuesday, K.C went out to eat at a expensive restaurant. She loved every second of it. In that way she was like her Mom, her mom loved eating out all the time.

I watched as she kicked her feet in her chair while looking at the menu, sometimes she'd need me to read or explain a dish to her since there were no pictures.

"Have you made any friends at school yet?" I asked her, trying to start a conversation with her.

"No, not really. Some of the kids said that I was too dark to be like them and the other kids said that I was too white." K.C explained to me. I wasn't sure if this was her first taste of racism or not. I, myself, haven't gone through any form of racism except for being mistaken for Asian at times. I did, however, witness a bunch of racism with (F/n) directed towards her or if we were with Dominique, who was also black, or (F/n)'s family it'll be directed towards them.

"Why are people racist?" K.C said. "I'm black and I'm white and I think that's cool. My family especially my cousins are all different and that's cool too. How can people not like me before even knowing me?"

"Some people judge people purely because of the color of their skin and when it comes to the kids at school, they probably learned it from their parents or they're never seen someone who looks like you." I tried to explain. "I think it's best just to be yourself that's all you can really do."

"Hmmm... I was going to do that anyway." She declared. "The only people that I care about what they think is Mommy, Dylan, my friends back home, and you, oh and Hanji."

"You care about what I think?" I questioned.
"Of course, you're my dad, aren't you?"

"We never got that confirmed." I said to mess with her.

She rolled her eyes at me, "Okay, Mr. Ackerman that was your choice."

"Mr. Ackerman?" I propped her brow at her. She stuck her tongue out at me. I exhaled in amusement. "Just decide what you want, brat."

|||

K.C and I walked towards the doors of the restaurant to exit. She was talking about something, but I failed to listen. I just thought about how (F/n) was always to the right side of me when we walked and K.C was too. As well as this being our restaurant when (F/n) and I were together. There were so many memories tied to this place.

Even that one time, the restaurant was going through the biggest rush I've ever seen. That day, (F/n) had just graduated from culinary school and someone noticed the school certificate which was highly prestigious and somehow found her way to the kitchen. Her entire family and I ate free and she was offered a job. It was a crazy time, but it was a fun time.

I kinda miss those days. Even if I felt like life was limited because of the limited amount of money we had-It was an horrible understatement to say we were broke out of our minds- nothing can make up the time. Now that I've had so much money that I wouldn't have to work for the lifetimes. I was definitely happier back then than I am now.

It's so lonely.

I'm always so very lonely.

First, it was my mom dying then it was Kenny leaving me then it was losing my two best friends and then (F/n) leaving me. There isn't anything I can really onto from back then. It sucks and it hurts.

I was terrible when (F/n) left. I can barely remember it all, my mind has blocked it to protect me from it. I wasn't yet friends with everyone in the Scouts and I didn't have Zelda. I was finally medically diagnosed with OCD without any support system. I was terribly lonely. That was an extreme fear of mine being alone as well as abandoned.

The fear never left it just go easier to deal with. I just thought it was easier to deal with.

But now that Petra and I are done. I didn't actually deal with it. I just found someone who was there... and now I screwed it up. I don't want to be lonely again but I know I am.

I looked over to K.C secretly I knew this was temporary and by the end of the summer she'd be back with her Mom. I don't want to get attached to her, it'll just hurt me later on.

I ignored my feelings... I'm fine.

As we got closer to the doors, I noticed the amount people out there with camera. Oh, god.

"Hey." I said to get K.C's attention. "You've gone through paparazzi with your mom, right? Well, we have to get through this crowd." I took off my suit jacket and put it around K.C. The flashes could be extremely bright and I wanted to protect her eyes. I picked her up and carried her in my arms.

"Ready?" I asked.
She nodded.

I opened the door to exit. The question and the recording and the flashing immediately started.

"Is (F/n) (L/n) really the mother?"
"Does K.C have anything to do with you and Petra Ral breaking up?"
"What can you tell us about your current relationship with (F/n) (L/n)?"
"Have you taken any responsibility for your child's life prior to last week?"
"Why did you and Petra break up?"
"Why would (F/n) leave her daughter with you?"
"Can you tell us about your past relationships with (F/n)?"
"When did you find out you were the father of K.C?"
"Are you and (F/n) going to share custody?"
"K.C, how do you feel about being the daughter of one of the most handsomest men in the world?"

The question overlapped and kept firing at us. Eventually, I pushed to through and successfully got K.C in the car. I entered and locked the door.

"Woah. That was stressful." K.C commented. "Levi, w- Why are you crying?" She looked over me in concern.

"No, it's nothing. I'm fine." I told her. I wiped the tears away. That didn't work in making the tears already welled up in my eye from flooding down. "Fuck," I breath out. "Don't say that word." I told K.C and went back to trying to calm myself.

"But it is something." She insisted. "It's okay to not be okay, being sad is okay. What are you sad about? Did they hurt your feelings? Did something happen?"

"No, no. I've just been thinking about a lot of things and it's overwhelming. It's not a big deal."

"It totally is!" She argued. "You don't have to feel alone. You have me and Hanji and Erwin and everyone else you like to call brat. They all care about you, so even if you can't talk to me you can talk to them." K.C said. "You can cry if you need to there's nothing wrong with that. Is there anything I can do?"

"No, there's nothing you can do."

"Okay." K.C agreed. She moved around in the back and eventually squeezed herself in the middle of the car to get to the front to embrace me. Her little arms wrapped around my waist. She didn't say anything, she simply comforted me. Her emotional intelligence is something I envied, she was a lot like her mother in that way.

I put my arms around her as well.

"I'm here." She said.
"You are." I agreed... but only for a little bit.

|||

K.C got comfortable under my covers. I stared at her blankly, "You're here a little too much." I said before getting into bed. I turned over to her. She was fast asleep. I swear the second she touches a bed she's gone. I tucked in a piece of her hair that came out her bonnet.

What will happen when I see your mother again at the end of this summer? It's been nine years. She's probably so much better without me. I mean... she had you and raised you, anyone responsible for making you the person you are is extraordinary.

... I don't want you to see how messed up, I truly am. I've failed at being a good partner and a good friend and a good person in general, but I can still be a good dad... I want to be a good dad.