Gender fluid Diaries

Um help please.

Warning: shit gets real.

So its like 1:00 in the morning and i was happy reading fan fiction and then i was listening to music, and i was suddenly hit with a large ass wave of just over all dread and anxiety.

I legit want to fucking die.
And i don't know why.
I feel like im gonna throw up because of the anxiety. I feel like something bad's gonna happen, but i don't know what.

As i write this, im slowly feeling a little bit better, but its still really bad.

There's been a lot of stress and anxiety in my family recently, and i've put off REALLY talking about it with anyone, which is very unlike me. Im usually very open with things that are happening in my life, but for some reason, im not saying much.

All i really say is "there's family stuff going on" and sure, i tell people the basics, but not much. At least not the more recent stuff.

Part of it might be that i miss my friends. I miss chilling with my friends, and hugs, and movies, and snacks, and joking, and just everything.

Ive calmed down a lot now, but im still just... bleh.

Also, i know that a lot of these chapters don't have much to with being Genderfluid, but the stress and anxiety of other things is important too. If I'm gonna write about ME being who i am, I'm not just gonna write "hey I'm feeling masculine today and i want my boobies chopped off-", im gonna write it all. The entire journey.

Even if no one cares, i know people have felt the same as me, whether they're Genderfluid or not. And even though I'm only 13 (almost 14, now), i've been through a lot.

So head, thats on being an insomniac with anxiety and depression.

Aaaaand the terrible anxiety/dread is back-

Ok I'm gonna try to sleep now. Never mind, I'm too anxious.

Ummmm what else can i talk about...

... Insomnia's a bitch.

Um... don't self diagnose unless its necessary, aka ur poor like me and can't afford therapy.

Don't web md. (Aka, google ur symptoms.) Trust me. I learned the hard way. And yet i still do it all the time-

Oh my fucking god will my existence just fucking end already-

My life hurts-

Ok. I need to breathe. Alrighty. Aaaah.