Gender fluid Diaries

Am i invisible?

TW: venting and emo-ness.

I am a goof-ball.
I do things seemingly without thinking. I say whats on my mind. I giggle like a child when someone says a funny word. I enjoy watching cartoons and making penis jokes and making a mess and running in the rain.

But i am not irresponsible.

I have taken care of my mother when she didn't take care of me. I can cook and clean just fine for my self. I babysit young children. I deal with everything life throws at me.

And yet my own friends sometimes say I'm immature.

It makes me feel invisible.

They see "I'm gonna jump off that couch" when its really "if i jump off that couch will i get hurt? Will i annoy my neighbors? Will my friends find it funny?"

I am goofy because i missed out on being as goofy as i wanted as a child.
I am goofy because it makes my friends laugh, and i love making them smile.

But i am mature.

I have always been called "mature for my age" by adults.
Is that because of trauma? Yes.
Is it untrue? No.

When my friends genuinely think of me as immature it disregards all i have ever been through. All i have ever done for my self and for others.

How can you disregard all of that and then get annoyed every time i remind you.

I am the 16 year old child of a hard-working single mother. I have dealt with money issues, traumatic situations, abandonment issues, and so much more.

My joking hides my seriousness, just like it does for many others.

You can forget what I've been through.
I can't.