Just hold my hand - II (Kylo Ren x reader)

Chapter 12 - now I know

You were unconscious for three days.
The morning you finally opened your eyes Kylo was holding your hand and had fallen asleep in his chair next to your bed. You slowly put your hand between his black hair and whispered his name. He immediately woke up and smiled sadly as he looked at you, tears forming in your eyes.

"Love... I saw her... I saw Leia.. She's the one behind this!"
He caressed your cheek "sshhhh I know"
"Kylo... I don't feel life in my stomach anymore.. is our child born? Is it ok?" You looked down your robes and saw a scar on your stomach. The baby was not inside the room since you didn't see any crib.

Kylo was pale, tears forming in his eyes. He whispered "I have to tell you something... but I don't know if I have the strength to do it..."
You widened your eyes and grabbed his hand. "Tell me... "
"She died in the impact. When I found you there was blood between your legs and the doctor couldn't do anything to save her...."
You screamed. It was an excruciating scream, you felt your heart break in your chest, you seemed to have lost all your energy. Tears flowing from your eyes.
"Y/n" Kylo was trying to stay calm in order not to make you feel worse "Please love.... forgive me..."
"Stay away from me. I never wanna talk to you again." You said coldly.

Kylo felt like he was breaking into pieces. You pointed at the door and he knew he couldn't do anything about it, so he just put his helmet on and quietly walked away. You layed on the bed and fell asleep hoping sleep could take that unbearable pain away for a while.

Kylo was alone. He hated himself because he felt he had loose you. He wasn't on the Finalizer in the moment they attacked you, he should have stayed and protect you. But he didn't... and now he had lost his baby and also the love of his life.
He would have wanted to rip his chest open and take his heart away in order not to feel that desperation which was consuming him.

He ordered Hux to land the Finalizer on a desert planet you were passing by, then he opened the door and got out. He took his helmet on and made a few steps in the pouring rain before his knees didn't sustain him anymore and he collapsed on the ground. He took his face in his hands trying to stop tears from flowing down his cheeks. He was screaming from pain. Then suddently he heard a voice.

"Hi Ben... don't cry, everything will be ok"
He shivered, raised his head and realized that voice was really his, his ghost was standing in front of his eyes.
"Han Solo... dad... You know what happened?"
"Of course I know Ben, I'm constantly watching over you."
"Dad... I've lost the love of my life.... and I also lost a child... I lost a child as you did before me... and I'm sorry... now I know"

Han smiled and hugged his son even if he knew he couldn't feel his touch, and Kylo cried, he cried in his dad's arms for the last time, as he used to do when he was a child, when nothing bad had yet happened. When everything was normal. You had been the last hope for Kylo Ren, but now he had lost you too.