𝔹𝕒𝕔𝕜 𝕥𝕠 𝕐𝕠𝕦

ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟡~ 𝔼𝕞𝕡𝕥𝕪

Honestly, I thought I was losing my interest in bakudeku glory, but then one day, I saw a photo, and then I regained my addiction... I'm an unhealthy social being :/

Inside it's e-e-e-e-empty. I--I know it's wrong I'm looking but I can't see myself.

[No one's POV]

Izuku was never seen since that day.

Katsuki thought that he had escaped that dreaded loop, but now that Izuku had so suddenly disappeared- skiving lessons and appearing not to be anywhere in the school- he fears that the nerd had died elsewhere. 

So why was he still alive?

3 weeks in and, still, Izuku hadn't made an appearance. It would be an utter lie if Katsuki, at that moment, had felt no remorse. It was quite the opposite. The guilt polluting his mind made him feel nauseous, as if he were being spun round in circles. He had numerously called Inko, asking if she had ever seen sights or contacts from her son. Unfortunately for Inko, she received no luck, and after each call or visit ended up balling her eyes out, wondering where she had gone wrong.

The problem that she didn't know, however, was that it was never her fault in the first place.

It had always been Katsuki's.

There hadn't been a day since then that Katsuki had looked longingly at the empty seat behind him, unused to the absence of the constant mutters that were more commonly known to annoy him. In comparison to his old self, who would've relished the disappearance of the nerd, Katsuki seemed a complete stranger. Those days without Izuku felt abnormal for him, as if something - or someone - was missing from inside.

Somehow, that nerd had left a deeper imprint on Katsuki than he thought. And the feeling alone was almost as bad as the one he felt when he was in that black voice. Empty. The impact of it caught him quite off guard, and at some points it was slightly overwhelming. However, still, the blonde had never once shed a tear, no matter how daunting and gaping that space was.

Katsuki felt like he was finally coming to terms with how much of a dick he was.

Most of Katsuki's friends had tried to mention, at first, how "amazing" it was, now that Izuku wasn't there anymore, but were met with silence and grunts of subconscious agreement. Meanwhile the blonde was continuing fighting himself, reflecting his actions and creating possibilities as to where Izuku would be. Though he still had the strong hope that Izuku was only hiding during the several weeks that had passed by, with no known people providing hospitality, the chances of the frail boy being somewhat alive was quite minimal. He could've starved to death. He could've been kidnapped and murdered. He could've ended up committing suicide. The possibilities to what had happened to the weak boy were endless.

It must be both positive and negative, therefore, that Katsuki was blinded with that odd feeling of hope for Izuku's existence. He wouldn't suffer the horrible emotions of further loneliness and guilt, yet those would on be delayed and, with time, get stronger and more unbearable to manage.

Inko was entering her own world of despair, and though she had no dead body to prove that her son was dead, her mind convinced her enough to believe it. She couldn't imagine Izuku continuing to suffer in the dangerous world, and the authorities had practically dismissed the search 3 months later, so chances of finding him again were close to nothing. It was announced exactly 6 months after Izuku's disappearance that Inko had decided waiting for fake news was a waste of time.

A funeral was to take place on behalf of the small greenette the next day. There was no body to burry. An empty coffin. An empty grave. And now,

An empty Katsuki.

There was something there that wasn't there before in that emptiness. Katsuki didn't feel any better knowing that he had prevented Izuku from jumping off that building, and no matter how many times the blonde had told himself that all would be well and that he had broken out of that loop, he didn't feel any relief. Even his pride and vanity was forgotten, an essential part of Katsuki that no one could ever imagine him without.

He watched as the glossy-black coffin was lowered into that hole, a sight that he had seen before, and took another glance around the field. Once again, there was only the Bakugos and Inko, who was sobbing much worse than he last remembered. His chest ached seeing her, and his feet move on their own.

It was a surprising encounter for even Mitsuki and Masaru, but they both hug the other in empathy and soft pride once seeing their son having a sentimental side.

The blonde knew what he was doing, and didn't try to resist his next actions, wrapping his arms around the lost and broken mother. She had lost her precious son, and it was disgusting for Katsuki that he, the one who cause the poor boy all this pain, was consoling her. The guilt wallowed heavily, to the extent where bearing it hurt physically. The merciless pain the poor mother was feeling must be worse though.

Inko felt like she was the loneliest person there that day. She had lost her husband and, now, her son. The world hated her, taking and taking everything from her until she was stripped with nothing but herself. The ultimate punishment for nothing. What did she ever do wrong? What made it worse was that her son looked so normal before he left. What did she do to him to make him leave without telling her? No note, no warning, no hints. Nothing. It was how Inko felt. And that embrace from Katsuki only made her cry more, shrieking from the grief raking venomous nails over her insides, only realising how much she needed this. Comfort. Love. Company. A sign that she wasn't the only person in this god-forsaken world.

Her world was spinning and crumbling and breaking her in the most agonising way, the only feeling keeping her standing still was the one of the blonde's sturdy arms around her own. No one else was left there for her anymore.

Katsuki remained stationary, but not uncomfortable, the mourning woman continuing to ceaselessly wail into his chest beyond the extent to where his top was drenched. If there were a way the blonde could've changed his whole history for the boy, he would. But he had already been given two chances to prevent this chain of exact events from happening, so what were the possibilities in which he would be given a third? Regret and sorrow were all that Katsuki felt, and his importance was tattered into ribbons and strings. 

Moments later, an unfamiliar feeling inside his emptiness started growing, filling the space painfully like a contagious fire. There was something acidic lodged into the base of his throat, and Katsuki tried to gulp it down, but it refused to go. And when the blonde turned to look at the now lowered coffin, a priest giving prayers to the supposedly dead boy, a tremendously cold wave washed through him, causing rare tears to form in his eyes. And when the first two finally fall, they continue rushing out, Katsuki briskly turning into Inko's shoulder, releasing them onto her black dress.

He couldn't picture what the emotion was, but he did have a probable guess.

He missed the nerd's green and black curls, how they bobbed up and down whenever he walked. He missed the pure forests of green in his soft orbs, how they refused to stop glittering even when he was in tears. He missed his beautiful smile, how it could potentially shine brighter than the sun. He missed his bubbly voice, that he had caused to break and drain of energy. He misses the pleasant aura he had always secretly loved, and it took his "death" for a third time to realise this.

In other words,

He was no longer empty, a walking demon filled with suffering and pain. 

WAAAAAAAAAAA TOO MUCH AFUPSBEFIJBSFJBSJBF

I LISTENED TO EVERY SAD DEAR EVAN HANSON AND HAMILTON SONG IN MY PLAYLIST AND THIS CAME OUT IN MY STORY WAAAAAAAAAA

I love this chapter, purely because it gets deeper, on Katsuki's behalf. In other words, he's gonna die.

(Na s***, Spud!)

The main question is... will he be resurrected like every other time? :)

Be potates!

                          ~Spud🥔