Blackout

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It was him, the voice was unmistakable. His frustrated growl, a tumbling baritone that echoes through a nightmare. My heart was thumping against my chest, and I wondered how long my ribs could hold it back.

Julie pulled me up off the couch with no effort on my part. The energy in the room was celebraratory, but not in my body. I'm not sure if it was fear or anticipation, but something made me quiver.

As I stood, everything became slow and surreal. It was like I was just an observer, watching my life through a lens..

The girls' excited giggles unnerved me. They were both in my face, a swirl of blonde and pink, leading me closer to Frank.

Julie held a vial under my nose. "Just do a little!" I did a lot. My nostril burned and I choked, worried my nose might bleed.

I watched Susie pull out a brown paper-bag, which wore a familiar toothy smile, and place it over my head. My vision became narrow.

"Amanda helped me make it." I heard her say, although my pounding pulse caused me to hear things as if I were submerged in a deep pool.

Numbly, I followed the two girls upstairs. They would glance back and giggle, ushering me to what I was sure was my own doom.

My knees threatened to collapse as I felt like I was trudging through thick mud. Now only a few feet away from the door that Julie had already begun knocking on, I held my breath.

A rusty hinge creaked as the door swung open, and there he was. His face I had never seen before, but there was no mistaking him. The bad posture, dark and sunken eyes, neck tattoo, leather jacket, all revealing this man as Frank.

I studied his face, remembering that at one time, I had actually wanted to see it.

Dirt and specks of blood coated his skin. Bruises accented his cheek bones and his broad jaw clenched as he studied me.

Breathing became difficult in my paper-bag mask, so I tried to pull it up, forgetting I had two large liquor bottles taped to my hands. The liquid spilled as I clumsily pushed the mask back with my forearm, exposing my face to him.

Franks' eyes widened in disbelief as he stepped closer to me. My whole body began buzzing, feeling the high from whatever powder Julie had stashed in that vial.

"You disappeared.. and I never even learned your name." Frank said quietly as he stepped closer to me.

My name? I couldn't even remember my name. Not that it mattered. That name was for someone else, a different life completely. Who am I now?

I tried to speak but choked on the inhale, a burning taste of ash filling my throat. My eyes began to water as swirling dark fog engulfed me, whisking me away from my reunion.

Frank's voice called out, but I couldn't see him anymore.

When I opened my eyes again I was looking through my paper-bag mask at some sort of scrap-yard. Wrecked cars piled on top of each other, a couple neglected buildings, trashcan fires and generators. I was in a trial.

I noticed my teeth grinding and forced myself to stop. I stared blankly at the bottles of malt liquor attached to my hands. Remembering Julies' rules for removal, I drank from the one on my right until it was empty, and then the left. I chugged the nasty brew in a few big swigs and felt less anxious, but a little more nauseous.

I heard a clicking noise to my right and turned to see Ace holding a flashlight. Seeing the yellow beam of light made my brain feel like it had caught fire.

"Are you fucked up?" Ace asked, clicking his light.

I remembered the last time I had seen him. He was complicit in my murder when David crushed my windpipe at the survivor camp. My face started getting hot.

He kept talking, "Frank my man, you look weak as hell."

Frank? He thinks I'm.. Oh...
I'm not a survivor in this trial.

The realization empowered me. Fear of pain and dying, it was all gone. In fact, Ace should be the one filled with fear.

Fueled by drugs, alcohol and vengeance, I turned to face Ace. He looked at me smugly, and I thought my eyes would turn red from fury alone.

I held my arms out like I was hanging on a cross and imagined burning holes in the mans' head with my stare. Ace looked at me curiously.

With a scream, I slammed my hands together, smashing the liquor bottles. They shattered, leaving me a long, jagged piece of glass taped to my right hand, and a mostly empty, but very bloody, left hand.

Ace's eyes widened as he turned on the spot to flee. I ran him down, aiming for his neck but slashing his upper back instead.

Then suddenly, I became aware of two red pulsing lights moving through the old gas station, and instinctually, I ran to them..

Flashes of splattering crimson, screams of anguish, and the squishing sounds of flesh being torn apart are about all I can recall.

You could say it was the substance abuse that caused my blackout, but I think my mind just couldn't deal with remembering what I had done to the survivors.. and how good it felt.

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