To Unfold A Mystery (Hiyori x Kiyotaka Fanfic)

Chapter 14: Apology (2)

Hiyori POV
As I put down the book on the desk, my back sank onto the chair I was sitting at.

"Kiyotaka...doesn't like having others in search of his own secrets, does he?"

After my conversation with Ryuen-kun, I returned to my dorm room to read till the end of the novel.

At first, I thought my mind would be worn out after encountering the many events that transpired, similar to the tiredness I felt yesterday, and yet this time, even after facing Ryuen-kun, my mind has been consistently stable. As of now, I still have the endurance and adrenaline left, at least enough to finish reading the novel.

Perhaps that's what Ryuen-kun means by my growth...that I have obtained the resilience to confront different matters at a time.

And yet, right as this realisation sparked, I exhaled, as I started to lie down onto the desk, attempting to calm my troubled mind.

Still...that resilience really doesn't resolve any ounce of my anxiousness...

As this thought settles in, the words of the final scene of the novel began to corrode my mind.

'I will help you to get to Class A...but in return, don't pry into my life."

The words that Ayanokoji-kun said...it seems as if his tone has suddenly dampened.

From re-imagining this dialogue alone, I felt a numbing uneasiness trudged through my mind, as the misting portrayal of Ayanokoji-kun enveloped itself.

It was...very unpleasant. My interactions with Ayanokoji-kun has been limited, but his tone of speech merely gave me an impression of his neutrality. And yet...this sentence beckoned something else. It's as if that shapeless tone of his is just a result of his lack of feelings...like an emotional space that's wide yet empty, without a thread to be seen.

But... How is it I never spotted any sign of this symptom before?

Chabashira-sensei calling him the most defective product...his relationship with Karuizawa-san...his inner thoughts...all of these seem so close yet foreign to me. He's like a character designed to be a mystery, with every clues bringing another confusion...

...maybe that's why...I've been always reading him as a mystery, but not as a person of his own.

And only by now, I realised his mental state as a person is something that I failed to examine, an unacceptable incompetence of my own.

Incompetence...at examining others...is it?

Come to think of it...I wondered...if I have truly handled the matter with Sakura-san correctly?

If all proceeds well, Sakura-san should have made a decision by now, whether to cage in the feelings of hers to let them flow out into the oblivion, or...to resolve her feelings by confronting the person those feelings are connected to.

And...if my guess is right, she would have chosen the latter...

Then...The feelings of hers would be settled...by Kiyotaka's rejection...

And at the very end of it...I am to be branded...as the one who pushed her into her own downfall...

...

...

...did I do the right thing?

"But deep inside, do you really not have other intention?"

...I don't.

My intention is just. Sakura-san's emotions are out-of-control. Her mental state's fragile and unstable. Her mind's all but broken. But...she still lacked the courage to confront this issue.