lunch time // seungjin

二十七

161410

two days until his birthday.

nothing good happens to anyone who hangs out with you, they said. youre pure bad luck, they said. you should die, they said. the world would be peaceful without a trouble maker, they said.

" it's time to meet him isnt it? the he'll tell me everything is okay. "

seungmin grabbed the pill bottle. sleeping pills, prescriptions for his insomnia, not for his suicide purposes. did he care though?

seungmin poured a handful out, he swallowed one by one as if they were candy. sweet candy, but instead it was a salty bitter taste that was left on his tongue after his treat. he swallowed cups and cups of water after pill and pills. his stomach felt like it was going to explode from the water, the disgusting pill taste lingering on his tongue.

seungmin never knew he was suicidal, he always thought it was normal to feel like ending his life. he couldnt describe the constantly emptiness he felt, everything seemed so... boring?

life was black and white. no interest. no fun. no colour.

the pills kicked in, then he felt a tightness around his throat and he couldnt breathe. he struggled his way upstairs back into his room after placing the pre-written letters for his parents on the table, he dragged his way to his bed, to his death bed.

then it just went black, and he was at ease.

" doctor he's awake. " seungmin heard as his eyes slowly opened. the light around him hurt his eyes, giving him an unbearable headache. he groaned in discomfort as he tried to lift his arm to cover his eyes but feel a thick needle poking around in his arm. iv drip. he threw his head back in annoyance, head colliding with the pillow. a sharp pain shot down his spine causing him to slightly shout.

the doctor came in and ran tests on him, after a shit ton of poking around his body and asking him questions, he had peace. they doctor left him in the room alone, until his designated therapist came. he didnt know a therapist was coming, he simply laid back and tried to get used to his surroundings.

then realization hit him. " shit im alive. "

an almost inaudible door know twist could be heard, he didn't bother to look over. it most probably was some nurse to change his drip or inject something into him again.

" hey, my name is felix. lee felix, i was sent here for your therapy sessions. "

seungmin slowly turned his head, he faced a bright sunshine with the prettiest freckles he's seen.

" therapist? you look younger than me. " seungmin mumbled. it was just another person to make fun of him wasnt it?

" keep saying that and maybe you'll believe it. im the same age as you. " felix joked as he pulled out a lollipop for seumgmin." im a kid but i kinda always had a thing for counseling. im sent to help kids my age, it's easier to open up to similar ages isnt it? "

" you make it sound so easy opening up to a stranger haha. " seungmin chuckled.

" then let me do the honors. " felix replied.

that day they talked, felix opened up about his traumatic past that led him to be a therapist intern at 14. he was very ahead of his cohort, taking huge interest and showing great talent for the job, he started interning half a year and was now on his second patient, seungmin.

sad to say for seungmin he had a more traumatizing past, the bullying and after effects of the incident did no help to the poor boy. he has been suffering from depression but he had always denied it, denied treatment, denying that he needs help. deep down it's just black and empty.

161610

it was his birthday.

" hey lix, i know we only met two days ago but i want you to meet him. " seungmin nervously said. all his life he faced rejection, he's never tried to reach out because he was afraid of being hurt. he never trusted because he didn't want it to turn back on him, but felix just naturally made seungmin trust him. seungmin might regret it but for now, he felt that felix was genuine.

" sure. "

172204

it has been half a year since felix started counseling seungmin. seungmin deceived everyone pretty well, including his best friend and therapist felix. seungmin took his medication regularly, he seemed to smile more, he seemed like he was getting better. not always under his sheets refusing to talk.

seungmin talked more, laughed more, socialized more with felix. everyone thought it was fine, that he was fine. was he? no. the emptiness was eating him alive, the hole in him felt bigger. nothing was feeding this hole, bit by bit the hole was feeding on seungmin. day by day the ring of dark circles under his eyes grew, he's body was in denial.

seungmin didn't skip meals not exercise to lose weight, his body was just shedding weight like it was nothing. over the months, seungmin's ribcage was noticably sticking out, his arms and elbow bones could be seen and his jaw and cheekbones were petruding his skin. he wore baggy shirts and baggy pants to cover up the showing bones and he told his parents and felix that hes been working for a more defined face, covering up for his noticable face fat loss.

it wasnt until two weeks later that one day he saw something, something that triggered his traumatic past that he ran to the toilet and locked himself in. twenty minutes in, the bath tub was overflowing with water that stained red. it overflowed out of the bathtub onto the bathroom floor, seeping out under the door into the white carpet that lined his room floors.

it was the shock that hit felix hard, when he walking into seungmin's room to look for him. the noticable red stained carpet made his heart drop, he raced to the toilet and busted the door down.

in the bathtub, there was a lifeless body. seumgmin's lifeless body, blood oozing out of the cuts on seumgmin's wrist. the pale colour that painted his face, it was then felix realised how skinny seungmin has gotten.

that day wasnt a good day. because it was the second time seungmin tried to take his life.

basically this is a chapter from seungmin's memories, these happened in 2016 when they were still kids and when seungmin hasnt left felix. its a little confusing ngl, the part when "him" is mentioned its not hyunjin or seungmin, 1610 is the birthday of someone NOT SEUNGMIN. its confusing but everything will be explained.

unchecked