A Far-fetched Love ✓

AFL 32 ✓

When we started this contract, I knew right there and then that I'd be the one to lose. I'd be the one to fall. I'd be the one to prohibit myself from crossing paths with him once this theatric comes to its end. 

But who would've thought that I'd let myself be stuck for a month and a week in something unlikely to happen. A shot to the moon. A hopeless case. Something too improbable to be probable. Kaya siguro mahirap. Kaya masakit.

For the short time that we've been together as a couple, I thought he was mine to keep permanently, but it turns out he was just another temporary possession, which pains me immensely for it was the kind of handy that came too slow, yet ended too fast.

It was a kind of love that I wasn't aware I was to feel. A kind of love that started off having a probability of one percent and an improbability of ninety-nine. A kind of love that primed unexpectedly. But also a kind of love that didn't have much of the in-betweens. And a kind of love that had its ending in an excruciating way. 

So when I stepped out of his car, I felt nothing but regrets of being the weak-hearted woman that I am. Had I not been searching and begging for a man that would make me believe that I could have a happy ending that I was forbidden to have, I prolly wouldn't hurt myself. But then, I was really nothing but a woman who's dreaming of being loved by a man unrequitedly, no matter how afraid I am to be abandoned again. So with Kael, I completely let down my guards, leaving no walls to protect me from the possible pain he is to give. 

I may not admit it, I may be denying it, but I madly wanted to feel loved. 'Yong walang kahati, kasi buong buhay ko palagi akong may kahati kina Mama at Papa. Kay Kai at kay Lola ko lang kasi naranasang mauna, that one day, when Kael came, I just found myself getting tired of being the second choice, the option, and the one being left behind. 

But for the nth time, after days of melancholy, there I was again, facing the reality that I could never be one's only choice. I could never be Kael's choice. For a few days, I've been a coward to face him after what happened to us. Couldn't get my things in his pad. Couldn't handle even a sight of his shadow. Couldn't bear the courage to talk to him. Neither did he brave the act to pull the strings between us, if ever there was yet to be pulled, though, I know, there was nothing more. 

I pulled my luggage along with me and went out of my room. There I saw him sitting at one of the cushions in the living room. His face looking straight at the television as he casually watched a series on netflix, like my presence didn't weigh even a gram. 

The volume was so high that I knew for sure he wouldn't hear the wheels of my luggage screeching on the floor as I dragged it. Nonetheless, no matter how high or low the volume was, he wouldn't give a damn still. 

He kept on fast-forwarding the series, I wondered if he was really watching or he was just trying to pull it off to make me feel unwanted. There were times when he stopped at a particular scene, then fast-forward it again.

I snapped out from my reveries and fastened my gait. Maybe he doesn't really want me here. But then he called me with his voice that I so missed to hear, causing me to stop on my tracks. 

"Shimon," he called.

Without looking at him I said, "Why?"

There were no background voices to be heard anymore, they were all gone. He must have put the series in pause, allowing me to hear him loud and clear. 

"Let's talk first," he said in his naturally cold tone. "Take a seat beside me."

Like he said, I turned my heels to his direction. But I sat in front of him, because being in a shouting distance away from him is another dagger on my chest, I better shield myself from it.