I never hated you (Draco Malfoy)

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Aurora 

Its been merely a few days since I read the final word on that letter, yet that exact feeling stayed, oh how I wish it didn't, yet it did, that sense of my stomach clutching within itself as I read his name at the end of that piece of parchment, I nearly started to see black, I almost passed out then and there.

It didn't feel real, I thought to myself, there was no possibility that what was happening was actually occurring, when I took a glance at that letter, any pain I felt physically didn't even cross my mind, it was just those very letters that he wrote that replayed on a constant spiral.

I wanted nothing but to choose him, I thought I did, but of course It wasn't always a choice to make.

I was so tired of not getting to choose--that goes for all of us.

None of us truly had a say, it was simply unfair, it was not right--it never was.

Narcissa hasn't let me leave the manor, no matter how hard I tried she's afraid of what I might do--where I might go, she fears I'll go searching for him. I had practically gone mad in that place but how could one blame me, that letter it was a foul move. Him to leave with nothing but that letter to give, how could he.

I had practically been shunned out from what was actually happening, everything with the war--no one told me a thing, that feared me greatly.

Whatever was to come with the outcome of the war, that letter remained accurate, if the dark lord remained standing, he would still have his followers at his very foot, yet that wasn't right, two of them already lied dead, two that I knew at least. Who was next was a thought I did not  want in existence. Then again if the dark lord fell, his fellow accomplices--regardless if they obeyed him during his reign or not, they still had that mark, death eaters would be wanted put away for good.

They would be viewed as killers themselves, because most of them were--in the war they shed enough blood for days, regardless which death eaters caused pain--with that very mark they were all labeled the same. They were all just as bad as the dark lord himself.

In one circumstance, yes, his flee would be justifiable--then again I still couldn't except it, no, not after all this.

We did far too much for it to end like this.

I was sure he would follow behind--I was almost positive, then again its him, nothing was for certain.

Whilst I stayed put in the Malfoy manor, I felt as if I was slowly but surely loosing my mind, everything was far to new--it was to much to comprehend, I haven't even seen Pansy since Hogwarts. The outcome of the war unsettled me beyond one would think, something in me felt almost guilty, I felt as If I was far too absent in the war--like I could've done more.

I considered myself a failure, I technically didn't fight in this war. Then again I went through all that I just witnessed, I saw death more than one should, Draco was right, I would never forget what has happened--It will be with me for as long as it can.

Yet I didn't regret a thing.

I would do it all over again.

No question, no argument--some of us did in fact have a choice, but some of us didn't, I wanted to do all I can for those who didn't. Yet I could only do so much.

Yes, those scars would be embedded in my thought for eternity, but his are far worse, they were far deeper.

Narcissa soon came into the very room she had given me at the manor, then again she practically forbid me to leave.

"Aurora--"

"What is it--what happened" I immediately cut her off, her expression read nerves, which didn't help my state. Yet I couldn't help it, I needed answers.