Hate Me Closer (Phan)

Chapter Fifteen

"Dan," Chris sighed, grabbing his friend's blazer as he took his straighteners from him, "Bloody hell, I let you miss breakfast so you could get ready! We're now five minutes late for class and we're fucking living at school!"

"I know, I know!" Dan grumbled, taking his blazer from his friend as he threw in his shoes and ran down the stairs, "Did you pick me up toast?"

"Yeah, here..." Chris passed him the plain bit of bread.

"You could've buttered it for me!" Dan complained.

"I had to shove it in my pocket!"

"Oh gross, I don't know what else you have in there!"

"A condom and an old bit of gum," Chris remarked.

Dan stopped, facing his friend, "I can't even tell if you're joking and I don't think I want to know."

They took the school stairs two-at-a-time until they made it to their Biology classroom, stopping outside before calmly entering the room full of students. Dan's hair was uneven and half-straightened, with his tie folded backwards and his mouth full of cold toast, but luckily for him, no teacher was in sight.

"Ey, pass me his bag!" a student yelled, being thrown a mass of black as he rumbled through the books. Dan and Chris paid no attention, taking their claimed seats at the back of the classroom as they turned to talk to each other.

"Give it back to him." they heard PJ mumble hopelessly.

"No guide to being a puff in here or anything, huh?" the student with the bag rumbled.

Dan's head turned upwards at the rest of the class saw it. They went silent, but the boys at the front didn't.

"I'm not gay!" Phil whined, turning his head down to the desk.

"Say that t-" the boy stopped when Dan stood up.

"I'm sure the teacher will be in soon." Dan quietly sighed, looking uneasily relaxed as he gazed his eyes over the lesser-life-forms of his class, "No point getting in trouble halfway through term, is there?"

The boys took the hint, nodding at the poor boy, who rumours had it that he took fighting lessons; he barely could throw a punch if it wasn't on a video game. They all sat down, the classroom awkwardly quiet until their teacher stumbled in.

"So sorry about that," she began, immediately passing the books out, "had a holdup." she stopped, looking at the fearful expressions of her pupils, "I won't ask if you don't tell," she muttered, sick of teaching fourteen and fifteen-year-olds. However, Dan almost wished she did ask, and Phil certainly did.

***

November the third: Dan remembered it clearly. It was the day before his first show of two to the school, as written by PJ. He and Chris were buzzing, hiding around the back of Hepburn with jackets too thin for the crispening autumn air, not letting the rest of their house know how excited they were to show their piece to the rest of the students.

Mrs Blackwell stood about five meters from them, with a look on her face that made Dan and Chris apologise for hiding around the back of Hepburn, probably where they weren't supposed to be. But she didn't care for that, and she already knew they often went there to get away from the other boys.

She sighed, "I'm not allowed to say you can be here, but I'm not going to tell you off. I'm not here for that." she admitted, "Dan, I need to talk to you."

He nodded, exchanging a glare with Chris as they were both led back inside. Mrs Blackwell turned to the shorter boy, "Can you wait in the Dining Hall?"

"Sure." Chris nodded, a gulp running down his throat.

"I'm not in trouble, am I?" Dan mumbled, fiddling with his thumbs.

"No, this isn't about school." Mrs Blackwell admitted, getting him inside her office and down in the comfy chairs. She sat with her hands on her knees, leaning forwards with a solemn look on her face. Dan couldn't even guess what she was about to say, but what she did mutter broke him, "It's about your grandma, Dan." she began.

Dan's eyes dropped and filled with tears. He furrowed his eyebrows, setting himself into the back of the chair with his arms crossed and chin down, "It's not." he refused, biting his cheeks.

"I'm so, so sorry, Dan. This is the last thing I wanted to be telling you, but she died last night of a heart attack. Her friend found her this morni-"

"She can't be dead." Dan shook his head, "I called her last night...I was on the phone." he stared up at his House Mistress, "What even happens, now?" he had a thousand questions he wanted to ask before he mourned the death of his last family member he knew.

"You have this week out of lessons. Matron will be supervising you and you can do whatever you want in house. So that's the piano, you can use the Common Room, we only ask you stay out of your dorm during school hours."

"Where do I go for holidays?" Dan asked, "You're aware I've got no one, now?" although he still didn't believe his grandma had died.

Mrs Blackwell looked pitifully at him, "The school is planning to take parental responsibility for you, although you'll be in our guardian program for the holidays."

"The one where I go to any random fucking person from this school? So rumours can go around? Jeez, thanks." Dan sighed, the tears running down his cheeks and his voice cracking with distress.

"No. We'll select it carefully. That's if, well...Chris couldn't take you in for the holidays?" she suggested, and Dan calmed, "We'll sort that out. Okay?"

Dan nodded, "And...Grandma?"

"We'll make sure you get to her house soon. We'll go through her will and sort everything out. You'll have belongings at home you don't normally bring in, but we have storage, so what doesn't go to your guardian, and that should be your permanent guardian, whether that's Chris or someone else, the items will be stored here."

Dan nodded, taking a tissue from the coffee table and blowing his nose, "Right." he nodded, "And her funeral?"

"We're not sure yet, but we'll make sure it's sorted, okay?" she looked at Dan who was choked up with tears again, "Can I hug you?" she asked empathetically. Dan nodded, so they stood up, her arms around his shoulders as he cried into her, "I'm so sorry, Dan. I don't know why it had to be you. I'm here for you though, okay? Focus on your music and drama, don't forget how much you love them."

Dan nodded, leaving her office with his head between his shoulders and his hands in his hoodie pocket. He probably felt angry, if he had to label it. None of it made sense to him. But, he was too hurt to show his anger, so he walked through to Chris feeling emptier than he'd ever been.

Chris looked up at him, but Dan took his shoulder, taking him out of the Hepburn doors and back round the back of the building, hopelessly muttering, "Grandma's died." he flopped against the old brick wall, burying his head between his knees and sobbing into his jeans.

"Dan..." Chris whispered, sitting by his side and lifting an arm over him. Dan fell into his friend's body, his back rising and falling with each cry for air.

"I hate everything." Dan muttered truthfully, "I hate myself. I hate my life. I hate my bloody family members for leaving me."