Hate Me Closer (Phan)

Chapter Fifty-Six

"Dan." Phil warned, "Lay back on the alcohol." he chuckled, sipping on his glass. He'd already limited himself to three; he didn't want to be too drunk to stand in the morning. Although, his boyfriend seemed to have passed that level already.

"Hey, hey...I know. Drinking doesn't solve your problems...it just makes you forget them." he giggled, his cheeks lighting up in pink.

There were fourteen boys remaining in Crossings for A-Levels, in total across the two years. It was tradition to drink after the first night of school, then again once you "survive the first month in hell", then again for Halloween, and again for Christmas, and again for the first night back, and then they gave up giving names to their drinking habits and just held the monthly habits up. It was the end of September at half-past nine, and Dan was already forgetting this night in the morning.

"Let it off him." Chris chuckled, leaning against a window, "He had a rough month, you know?" Chris was about a glass behind Dan.

"Both of you." Phil warned, "You actually need to remember this year if you want to do well for your A-Levels.

Dan scowled, chugging back another mouthful. He had his SATs. He remembered how his dad would drink on Friday nights with his work friends and how he'd be the happiest when he was drunk. He didn't understand that when he was younger; before his dad died, but Howell understood it now.

"What is it?" Phil asked.

"Every thought, every dream, every worry, every single fibre of my brain just...cares less." he grinned, "Good job I didn't realise that in Second Form, huh? Would've had a drinking problem by now."

Phil rolled his eyes, "I was asking what drink you've got."

"I gave you an answer." Dan smiled. His boyfriend felt as though he was talking to a brick wall.

Phil rubbed his palms over his eyes and put his third glass down on the side, half-full of punch. He wrapped his arms around his best friend and hugged him into his body, "Come on." he sighed, "Please, let's get you out of here."

Dan had his half-empty cup snatched from his grasp and replaced with his boyfriend's palm. He couldn't be angry at the older boy. He was led out the back entrance of Crossings and down the pebbled path until he saw the sky reflected on the floor in front of him. He grinned, kicking his shoes and socks off, and then jumping into the small stream beneath him.

"Isn't that cold?" Phil laughed, sitting on the bank of the water.

Dan giggled, nodding his head as he jumped up and down, "Freezing." he admitted, "Cold enough to sober me up a bit."

"That's a shocker." Phil laughed, untying his tie from around his neck and wrapping it over Dan's shoulders. He pulled the younger boy closer as he did it, pressing their lips together briefly before he let go.

"Mm." Dan smiled, fumbling the material of the tie between his fingers. His eyes drifted and his face dropped. He saw a fish being dragged lifelessly down the current, washing by and out of his sight again, "I'm not happy." he admitted.

Phil sighed, letting his ankles be swallowed by the water as he approached the other teenager and took him in his arms, "I know-"

"I want to be. I try to be." Dan shut his eyes and listened to the sounds of the water, "But I'm nothing like my parents wanted me to be and don't I owe them that at least?"

"You don't owe them anything." Phil sighed, running his fingertips up and down his best friend's back.

"I do. Every second of every day...I do." the younger boy felt a pair of lips against his own, and he smiled, "I don't think they'd even like..." but he never finished his sentence.

Phil hummed, letting the silent gap sink shut, "I want you to promise me something-"

"Like we promised we'd kiss on a cruise in front of everybody else?"

"Just like that." Phil chuckled, "And I want you to write it down at the end of the night so that you remember it."

"I'll sign it with my right knuckles." Dan grinned.

"But you're left-handed. That'd make it illegitimate."

"Good law knowledge. Maybe my parents would like you." Dan giggled, throwing his backside onto the riverbank and almost slipping in.

"I want you to promise me that every second...of every day," he held his hands out to the younger boy who took them warily, "that you'll try to make every choice with the idea that, in the end, you'll be happy."

"That's hard to promise." the drunk boy snickered.

"If you're offered chocolate cake, or carrot cake-"

"Carrot." Dan laughed, nodding his head, "I get it. Fine. Okay. I'll try and make every decision with the end result of being happy in mind."

"Thank you." Phil grinned, kneeling onto his boyfriend's lap and kissing the younger boy, "I love you."

"I love you, too. But, it's past curfew. We need to get back."

"Right." Phil giggled, "First time we've missed that."

"Mm." Dan nodded, winking into the blue eyes in front of him, "It's kind of sexy...you know, not following the rules."

Phil thought about it for a second before he shook his head, lifting the younger boy with him, "I'm sorry, even if it led to sex I'm too much of a goody-two-shoes to disrespect rules like that."

Dan rolled his eyes, "Tell that to yourself six months ago when you were giving a fifteen-year-old blow jobs."

"Shut up!" Phil spat jokingly, "Actually shut up." he bashed into the smaller boy, almost sending him into the stream before he pulled the drunk boy into his side again, "Come on, let's get back to house and hope the boys didn't lock up already."

"Please," Dan sarcastically rolled his eyes, "they'll be too pissed to remember."

"We could get murdered, then!" Phil shrieked with a grin on his lips.

"Clawed to death by a bear." Dan exaggerated, throwing his fists into claws and growling.

"Or maybe they'd set traps everywhere like from Home Alone."

"Oh, that would kill you." Dan laughed, "Mr Clumsiest Person Alive."

"Remind me to fuck you when you're sober." the black-haired boy smirked.

Dan gasped, biting his lips and looking down, "Okay." he giggled, shaking his head at the dirt, "You never cease to surprise me, Lester."

"Good. I don't want to make you bored. Just don't go surprising me with anything, alright? I don't like surprises. Well, unless it's presents, or holidays, or-" he mumbled, feeling his boyfriend's lips against him again, "Yeah, or that."