Hate Me Closer (Phan)

Chapter Thirty-Eight

It was the day before the Auburn School boys were going home, and for once Dan had finished packing before the last minute. He probably wouldn't be if his mind wasn't focused on spending time elsewhere. He walked into Phil's dorm, the eyes of the other boys following him as he leant against his best friend's wardrobe.

Phil looked up at him, chuckling to himself as he zipped up his suitcase and stood up, "I'm assuming you're here for me?" he teased. The other boys hadn't had confirmation whether Dan and Phil were together or not, or at least whether they made out after the time on Phil's birthday, but they'd learnt not to pry.

Dan nodded, the two of them standing slightly too close for friends, "Was wondering if you wanted to come with me to the Great Hall?" the other boys lost interest, knowing they'd simply go there to play the piano.

That would be, if they were actually going there.

"Sure." Phil smiled, kicking his suitcase out of the way and following his friend out of Crossings house. He furrowed his eyebrows when Dan took a left turn, instead of a right, "I'm assuming you've got other plans, rather than you forgetting how to get into the school building." he chuckled.

Dan nodded, turning around with a skip in his step, "Just, follow me." he pushed.

"Fine but," Phil checked his watch.

"We've got an hour and a half." the brown-haired boy reassured him, "Trust me." he stopped in front of Phil, looking up at the taller boy in a way that rendered them both helpless.

"I trust you," Phil admitted. They'd kissed twice after the cupboard set-up, but both times had been when the Crossings boys locked them away again. They assumed they both realised that they might as well make the most of it while they were in there.

Dan led Phil to the very back of the school, where the older boy hadn't had a reason to be before. Sure, there was a garden section with a couple of hedge fences and benches, but it was nothing spectacular. Dan took him to the very corner of the school grounds where two hedge fences briefly cut off, and there was a brass gate leading out of the school grounds.

Phil smiled nervously, "Are we allowed out here?" he asked.

Dan shrugged, "There's no reason not. We're allowed into the village between five and nine, as long as we attend supper in between, and our sitting was earlier." he reassured him, "We don't have to if you don't want to."

The black-haired boy grinned, "I want to, it just seems..."

"Unspoken of?"

"I suppose," Phil admitted. Dan sucked in a breath and took his friend's hand, with the dark of the night protecting them from the rest of the school. They were lit only by the moon and the pathway lights that barely lit a ruler around each of them.

Dan calmly walked Phil through the gates and down a sloped hill, tumbling into the forestry around the back of the school, "Strictly, we're still on school grounds. The school owns these trees." the boy smiled, leading him through the woods until there was the gentle sound of water. He sat them both on an old tree stump, kicking off his shoes and rolling his jeans a quarter way up his legs, until they couldn't fold any higher. Phil copied him, watching the small stream with interest.

It wasn't anything spectacular, like in the Highlands of Scotland, but it ran clean-looking water against a small bank that they could sit on with their feet hanging in the cold water below. Dan sat himself down, Phil soon joining, sitting a distance apart. The younger boy groaned, shuffling himself to the right so they were directly beside each other, "Nobody knows we're here." Dan comforted his best friend.

"No?" Phil asked, a grin on his lips as he snaked his arm around Dan's back, holding his arm against his waist. He pulled the boy into him, their pupils wide, yet the small rim of colour around them glowing colour brighter than the stars above them.

Dan let out a breath before he pecked his lips against the boys, coweringly moving them away again as they both knew this was the first time they kissed without the influence of the other boys. Phil hummed, taking Dan's chin with the knuckle of his forefinger as he pulled the frail boy's face back to his, moving their lips in unison again.

Dan wasn't sure where to put his hands, so they ended up pulling against the neck of Phil's jumper, his fists tightly grasped around the fabric as Phil's tongue slipped through his lips. He giggled, comforting himself in the warmth of his friend's body.

He balanced his weight onto one knee so the other could raise itself over Phil's lap, and once the older boy realised what he was doing, he held Dan's hip and guided him over. There the two Third Form boys stayed: the boy with the brown, messy hair straddling the sixteen-year-old whom he bullied less than two years ago.

After ten minutes, Dan pulled away, resting his forehead on Phil's, with his eyes delicately closed, "What will your mum say?" he asked calmly.

"Clean up after yourselves?" he chuckled, unsure what answer Dan was looking for.

His friend hit his shoulder, shaking his head as he corrected, "No! As in, would she care that you've kissed a boy?"

"I doubt it." Phil admitted, "And I've kissed a boy because I'm gay, Dan. Don't be so afraid of saying that." he held the boy closely into him, smelling the shampoo in his hair that he was sure was his own.

"You're gay?" Dan asked, "How do you know you're not bisexual?"

"Because..." he tried to find reasoning, "I guess my search history speaks for itself."

Dan erupted into cackling, Phil covering the younger boy's mouth at the joyful squeals. He sighed, his heart jumping against his ribs as he admitted, "I don't know what I am and it scares me."

"You're Dan." Phil reminded him, "That's all I ask of you, and that's all I expect you to be."

"Did you ever think about kissing me before your birthday?" Dan asked, looking into the oceans that belonged to his best friend.

"I did, but I didn't quite make the connection that wanting my lips against yours was kissing you." Phil admitted, "It was just...it just was. It was a fleeting thought." he grinned, "Several times. What about you?"

Dan shook his head, looking down at Phil's arms as he whispered, "Not once." he took himself away from his friend's lap, sitting beside him and resting his head on his shoulder, "I don't know what I spent my entire days dreaming about." he admitted.

"To think I went the other way when I saw you in the corridors." Phil chuckled, his cheeks turning pink.

"Kiss me," Dan told the fair-skinned boy. Phil complied, his lips turned upwards as they melted back into his friend's. They didn't think about the consequences, nor did they think about yesterday or tomorrow. They didn't need to when they were smiling at the moments they breathed in; the boy they breathed in and his cheap deodorant and stolen body wash.

"Aren't your feet cold?" Phil asked, noticing how they dripped with water in the frosty air.

"Freezing," Dan answered, barely moving his lips away, so the words could be felt on Phil's upper lip.

"Is it worth it?"

"Undeniably so."