Hate Me Closer (Phan)

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Phil began tutoring Dan four days after their holiday began, settling on focusing on the sciences as those were his worst topics, and Phil knew how to teach those as he'd helped PJ, too. They decided they were going to do an hour and a half a day, but take a break during the week of Easter Sunday. They'd be in a chocolate coma, anyway.

It was towards the end of the second week; Dan was sat beside Phil at his bedroom desk, both of their chairs pulled up around the wooden furniture. Phil had them working through their textbooks topic by topic, alternating two of the three sciences per day. It was on this day, with the sun trying to claw its way through drawn curtains and into Dan's room, when the boys felt as though they'd reached a topic impossible to tackle. The water of crystallisation questions just didn't make sense to the younger boy, no matter how many times they went through the textbook examples.

Phil sighed, standing up as he decided, "I'll get a worksheet I went through in class. I've got some notes on it that might help."

"Thanks," Dan mumbled, although he was grateful, the tiredness he felt dampened the sincerity of the tone.

Phil came back in with his chemistry book, opening to the middle page where he had a handful of loose papers slotted in. Dan's eyes fell to the condition of the book. Phil was a very careful person when it came to his belongings; it wouldn't have been a surprise if he'd knocked a cup of coffee over the pages, or the cover was torn from when he fell over, but his chemistry looked beaten down and crumbled beyond recognition. The brown-haired boy picked the piece up, scrolling through the pages that had been abused on countless occasions, his mind wondering what could have caused its condition until he fell onto a page that, in black biro pen, had carved the word "FAG" into the lines.

Dan shot out a breath, leaving the page open as he chucked the exercise book onto his table, "Why?" he mumbled annoyedly, "I don't get it."

"I know, I'm sorry. I'm trying to explain the equations to you, it's just-"

"No." Dan interrupted, "Your book, Phil."

"Oh." the black-haired teenager replied without having to glance up, "Just ignore it-"

"I do." Dan admitted, "I ignore it every lesson. I ignore it in the corridors. I ignore it at school when you're just trying to get by every day. But, when it's just you and me in a room alone, I'm not going to because I don't have to." he looked up at his friend, his lips pressed into a frown and his eyes full of pain, "You don't deserve any of this. Is this because of me treating you like scum in first year? Did they think they could follow suit like the sheep they are until they took it too far?" he sighed, closing the pages and tearfully looking up from his slouched position in his chair, "Are you gay?"

"What?" Phil was caught off-guard.

"I mean," Dan muttered, "there's got to be a reason they're being homophobic. Is that because you're actually gay?"

Phil shook his head, "I don't know why they're doing it. No, I'm not gay." he truthfully stated, putting the sheet he was holding down. The fifteen-year-old bit his lip and struggled to continue looking at his friend when he had so much hurt written into his features. Phil chuckled, "It bothers you more than it does me."

"It shouldn't!" Dan cried, "You've become so used to it, you don't see how bad it is, and I don't know if that's worse!"

"I have three incredible friends in my class who have stuck by me. They were there trying to scrape slurs off of my backpack one afternoon, they were there cleaning the blood off of my shirt, they were there defending me when the rest of the class stole my things every lesson for a week and hid them. If I didn't have them, I'd be a mess, but I do and I don't take that for granted."

"Can we stop?" Dan asked, looking at his bed.

"Stop what?"

"Work. Today. I've had enough for now." Dan sighed.

"Sure." Phil agreed, "Do you want to do anything?"

"We could play COD? Crash Bandicoot? I don't mind really."

"Sure. In here?" Phil asked, piling the books into a neat pile on his housemate's desk and standing up.

Dan nodded, taking a seat on his bed and turning his console on. He tossed a controller to Phil, who successfully caught it for once, and sat by his side on the duvet. Dan turned to his friend, asking, "What do you want to do when you're older?"

"I'm thinking of going into journalism." Phil admitted, "I'll study English language at university, then see if anywhere will hire me, I guess. What about you?"

"Actor." Dan laughed, scrunching his nose. He didn't bring his college application up because he didn't want to lead anyone on to believe he was capable of becoming something. Someone.

"Don't laugh!" Phil giggled, "You'll be an amazing actor. Got any plans on how to get there?" he asked.

Dan smiled, nodding his head but not saying any more. The older teenager hummed, taking the hint and not prying anymore.

"You'll get there, you know, with science? You had a bad year, but it's nothing you can't catch up on."

"You think?" Dan asked, not quite believing it.

The taller boy pursed his lips and hummed, "Yeah. I mean, it was better you flopped last year than next year, right? At least you can make up for it before the exams start."

"I s'pose." Dan agreed, starting the game up, "Anyway, enough with school for today, I want to thrash your ass at the game you claim to have mastered."

"Oh, I have."

"Prove it."