Hate Me Closer (Phan)

Chapter Sixty-Three

PJ sat on his bed, tapping his fingertips against his knees as he watched two of his best friends work on opposite sides of the room. He'd waited over a week, waiting for someone to speak up, but nobody ever did. Even Chris wasn't himself, so he knew whatever happened was beyond complicated.

"PJ?" his friend finally asked. Chris sat down on his bed so he could sit next to the older boy. He drew his knees to his chest and sighed.

"What's going on?" the green-eyed boy asked, staring at Chris whose eyes were carved into Dan and Phil, "I've waited for it to sort itself out, but it hasn't, so-"

"I was waiting, too. The night of the party...Dan kissed me." Chris admitted it as though he was ashamed, as though it was all his fault.

"Okay." PJ nodded, "Are you alright?"

Chris furrowed his eyes, "You're not upset?"

"Dan kissed you?" PJ confirmed.

"Shout it fucking louder, would you?!" Dan screamed, throwing a rubber against the wall and his chair flying to the floor as he stood up and marched out of the room. Phil didn't flinch.

"Phil?" PJ asked, "You alright there, Buddy?"

"I'm fine." he lied, taking a breath in and turning to face them, "Dan kissed Chris. I saw it happen. Chris pushed him away."

"Is it over between you two?" the eldest boy asked, walking over to his friend so he could pick up the chair and sit by his side.

Phil shrugged, "Until he tells me why he kissed Chris."

"Have you still not got that out of him?" the youngest boy interrogated, wondering when he should share Dan's news.

Phil sniffled, shaking his head and looking at the floor, "Not one word."

"Would you forgive him?"

"If he said something to me on the day. Now I'm...I guess I'm not sure. It's more wondering what he's hiding from me that's causing him to implode. We used to tell everything to each other, you know? It was like asking him out cursed us. Maybe it'd have been easier if we were never officially together, at least if that was the case and he kissed you, I could blame myself."

Chris shuffled, looking at the floor with a shared heartbeat anxiously pumping between them. He licked his lips, knowing it wasn't his place to tell Phil what was going on with his boyfriend, but it wasn't his place to keep it a secret, either, "I'm going to tell you this because I believe you deserve to know, okay? And, if I don't, it'll only hurt you more." Phil didn't answer, instead he stared in terror as Chris continued, "Dan's moving to America at Easter. He's been accepted into an acting college."

"What?" Phil muttered before he could think. His breaths sped up as water ran down his cheeks and to his neck, "I mean..." he stood up, pulling uncomfortably on his hoodie's sleeves, "I'm going to go down to the stream. I just...I need to get out."

He raced down the stairs and to the side of Crossings where he buckled over his stomach and howled. Each cry out scratched his throat and cut a slit into his drumming heart. He panted until his wails stopped, then he brushed his face with the cotton jumper and sped down the stone path until he was crying again outside the school premises. He couldn't stop and it burned.

He heard panicked footsteps rustle at the bottom of the hill, so he glared up, finding Dan leaning against a tree with stones in his hands that he was presumably throwing into the water before Phil interrupted his outburst. The black-haired boy wanted to scowl, but instead his cheeks fell and his lips parted. He wasn't sure if he was shocked or if he was torn apart by anger; he felt quite helpless.