I Guess They Never Disappear

Chapter 22

Jared POV

Evan's phone pings with a message, and he shoves it in my face again. 

The alert is from Alana, asking if we still have time to call today.

I look at him, and he nods. Just a little. 

He's nervous, but why wouldn't he be? Apologizing for Evan, like with most people, isn't exactly a strong suit. Maybe especially not a strong suit. But he's trying this, at least, and I think I should have the right to be proud of him.

It's not like he's going to be the only one who has an apology to make. I was just as much of a part in deceiving the Murphy family. 

To be honest, I don't know if Zoe's going to want anything to do with us. She always came off just as intimidating as her older brother, and that's saying something. Maybe it's because I spent my time with Evan, who really was intimidated by her, and so that rubbed off on me. 

Maybe it's because I was jealous of the person who had actually managed to capture Evan's heart, although I knew that it was not a prize to be won, but a connection to form. 

I message back that yes, we want to call today, and seconds later Ev's phone is buzzing with the nostalgically-familiar incoming Messenger call sound. 

I pick up. 

We hear Alana's voice first, just as sharp as I remember it being. 

"Hello, Jared and Evan," she says crisply. 

"Hi," says Zoe curtly. 

"Hi," I say. 

Evan says nothing for a couple of seconds. I resist the urge to bump him with my arm. He's an adult. He knows what he's doing. And he wouldn't like it if I tried to baby him.

"Hello," Evan says. 

The four of us sit there awkwardly for a few seconds. I feel like Ev and I should just get right into it and apologize, rather than making everybody sit out an awkward conversation only to have it end poorly right at the end. I think both of us would feel terrible after that. 

I want Evan to go first, because maybe, yes, some small part of me is still convinced that it's a little more his fault than it is mine. I know I should share the blame equally, should know that I can't blame Evan for not stopping because I let him get too deep before I tried to push him out; fuck, I didn't just watch him, I encouraged it. 

There's nothing more guilt-worthy than that. 

And so possibly, just possibly, if I apologize first, I can get my mind to clear of that plague quicker. 

I might be able to give Evan one less probable reason to hate me. 

So I do it, I speak up.

"So," I begin awkwardly, "I just wanted to say something before we started talking because I feel like it needs to be said. I'm sorry for my part in the whole Connor Project, and for helping Evan to fake the emails."

Deep breath, Jared. At least you didn't make some sort of stupid fucking joke about it. 

Evan scrunches his shirt up at the bottom with one of his hands, and I feel momentarily bad when my first instinct is to end the call. 

He's not some little child. 

Zoe speaks up quietly, "That's okay Jared."

"It is?"

"Yeah, it is. I can move on from stuff like that. Plus, you only did a little bit, from what I know. And if you did more, I don't particularly want to know. It's fine."