I Guess They Never Disappear

III

Alana POV

The library is silent and pretty much empty. 

I don't want to be here right now. I want to be at home having a She-Ra marathon with Zoe and eating the Pansexual pride cake that she decided to make for no reason than she wanted a pride cake. 

But winter finals are in a month and that means I have studying to do. 

I have to get top three of my class, at least, but of course, I don't want to settle for anything less than head. 

There are two parts to the final: a written exam and a mock trial. 

Both are stressful. 

The written exam is basically a test on all of the material we've covered in the past one-and-a-half years of law school that the grade of which determines if you can take more advanced classes in the second semester. Those classes are important, too: they're mostly limited to third-year students, so a top grade could really put me ahead. 

The mock trial is nothing new. I've done one before for my year one final. However, representatives from local law firms and circuit courts will be observing the trial as a second round of observations for who they might consider allowing to intern. 

I got the email a few weeks ago: I'm officially being considered for an internship at a local law firm that specializes in family law. 

See, that's really a big deal because if you do well at your internship there, that sometimes leads to getting hired, and my best bet, at least at first, is to sign onto a law firm that is already fairly well-known. 

So I can't lose this job experience, because if I do I'll be years behind my peers who do, and everything will be harder, because I'll have to prove myself all over again, and what if they pass on that I got declined due to not being good enough? That'll stain my record for a few years, at least. 

That one depends on a group, too. I'm working with three other students. Three more people have a hand in deciding my fate for the future. 

Not good, not good at all. 

And what will I say to my parents if I lose this internship? What will I say to Zoe?

People are counting on Alana Beck to get this right, and I've never failed people before. 

There are first times for everything, though. Please let this not be it. 

I turn my mind back to the practice exam in front of me. 

The question is involving what sorts of arguments are made on both sides if an LGBTQ+ couple wants to adopt a child.

Kind of sad that that even has to be a question. 

If I ever get married, I'm going to want to adopt a child. I don't really want to have my own, but it would nice to have a little family. 

I wonder if Zoe wants a family. 

She struggles with it still, even though I know she likes to pretend she doesn't. The week before last, there was a letter from Cynthia asking her to come home. 

I was so pissed on her behalf. You can't neglect a human being, and make them live an unhappy childhood, and disown them from your family for being themselves, but Zoe's parents did. Then those two had the audacity to try and pull some sort of 'concerned parent' act. 

But Zoe said we had a day to be upset together, and then we were going to throw the letter in the garbage and go out to dinner and be happy because we were going to let it go.