I Guess They Never Disappear

Chapter 6

TW: Very minor mention of  compulsive heteronormativity and internalized homophobia (I just say those words, basically)Don't read if this is a trigger, please stay safe, everybody!

We Haven't Done Jared in a While (It's Jared POV)

Yay, your boy is McFucking excited to see Hansen. 

And when I say fucking I mean it with a capital F and also in a very heterosexual way. 

Sort of like Evan and Zoe's relationship.

Just kidding. Tree Rubber probably never did that.

Okay, Jared, enough reverting back to high school.

You have to be civil now. 

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Isabel's made me wear my one pair of dress pants and a flannel but buttoned up and not over a graphic tee so I can't rip it open and do something cool.  I haven't worn actually pressed pants in years. I also haven't touched an iron in years, which means the creases in my pants are about as straight as I am. Actually, that's not really true. They're just mostly the bumpy sort of straight, as in when internalized homophobia and compulsive heteronormativity but also boys did things to me in eighth grade.

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We don't talk about eighth grade.

I was really good at ironing in high school.

Anyways, we're going over to the Hansen place in half an hour and my mom is freaking about her brussels sprouts which is really a trivial thing to be worried about when I'm going to be seeing someone who my last words to were "Fuck you, Evan! Asshole!" which are as some authority figure in my life said at one point are 'fighting words'. 

Now like, I do want to apologize, but I'm not going to think about that because the idea of apologizing to Hansen means I have to apologize for Five Or So Years Of Complete And Utter Bullshit, which is not a thing  want to do. 

But if Hansen apologizes he's going to start crying, or something, and then I'll start crying, and see that won't really be an apology.

I don't know what I'm really looking for in a Hansen apology. It's not like I'm expecting him to get on his knees and beg for my forgiveness, because that's unrealistic and I do not make unrealistic expectations of people.

So maybe the best solution is to avoid an apology. I mean, it's not like Tree Licker and I am going to become best buds and skip through some sunny field and sing a song about being happy and not having life problems. 

No, we're going to hang out for tonight, hopefully not alone at all, and then Isabel will conclude that this went well or whatever and I'll go back to my room and stew in problems until I won't.

I like that plan.

"Jared, sweetie, are you ready?"

Isabel's voice rings through the house. 

Let's go not fuck up a family dinner.

The car ride over is quiet. I stare out my window the entire time, making sure the thing of Brussels sprouts doesn't tip over or whatever. Out of the corner of my eye I can see Isabel doing pretty much the same thing, biting her lip. 

It feels stupid. 

Hansen and I are are both, what, twenty-four? We're not children anymore. It feels like she's driving me to an apology after I hurt his feelings on a play date or something equally as dumb as that.