I Guess They Never Disappear

VIII

Trigger Warning: Mention of Death (it's very small and it's Connor.) (Do Not Read if  this is a trigger. Stay safe friends.)

Zoe POV

Alana's midterms are this week, but tonight (a rare occurrence), she doesn't have anything to do. So the two of us are just staying at home at the apartment. We could go somewhere, but she's really, really exhausted, and I don't particularly feel like putting on shoes. 

We've been semi-cuddling on the couch for around two hours when she sits up in the darkness. 

Normally we would talk, of course, but I think both of us feel a little bit out of it today. I drove a couple of cities away while Alana was off taking her exams to go check out a new indie bar that popped up. The old one shows no signs of reopening anytime soon, and when I messaged one of the bartenders that I had sort of become friendly with the other day she said she had moved back to her parents' home in Vermont. So everybody's moving on.

Why shouldn't I?

The bar is actually quite nice, and I feel like it has potential. I left one of my newly-printed business cards (Alana's suggestion) with one of the bartenders who promised to give it to their manager. 

"Something wrong, 'Lana?" I ask.

She slumps back against my shoulder and pulls the blanket up a little bit.

"Not really, I just remembered something I wanted to talk to you about the other day. I forgot about it because of mid-terms."

"Oh?"

"We don't need to talk about it though."

"You sure? I'm always available to talk if you need it."

"Yeah, I'm sure. It's not even that important. Forget about it, love."

We lie propped up against each other for a little while longer in the silence. It wraps around us, fluttering lightly, with a sort of energy that isn't awkward but isn't our usual calm either. 

"Alana," I say eventually. "Are you sure it isn't important?"

"Yeah."

"You sure? I know you, and it doesn't sound 'not important' to me."

She looks away. "You know me too well, Zoe."

"So? Let's talk about it."

She looks away again and pauses. "I... I just don't know if you really want this conversation to happen. Or if I do, for that matter."

Did... Did I do something?

"I won't be mad, sweetie, whatever it is. I promise."

"Oh."

"But if you don't want to talk about it, we don't have to talk about it."

She doesn't respond. 

Jasper hops up on the couch next to us and bats lightly at my hair. 

"Jasper no," I say, "Naughty kitty."

Alana giggles and I smile. 

Then we lapse back into silence. 

Eventually, she speaks. "You know what? Let's talk about it."

"Okay," I say, still unsure of what's exactly happening but willing to follow her lead, "Go ahead."

She inhales. "I was on Facebook the other day while I was waiting for the lecture hall to open up and I saw that... uh... Heidi Hansen got married."