Redamancy (d.m)

Chapter seventy three-burning rain

I didn't bother knocking, the door was just barely agape. He sat on the right side of the bed, with his arms draped over his knees, fingers skimming over his crimson stained rings while cracking his bloody knuckles in turn. When he looked up, his expression of outrage dispersed, to be replaced with a stormy sort of reproach. I walked slowly, sitting cross legged on the end of the bed, opposite his side, my weight making the mattress shift and his glossed eyes connect briefly with mine before reverting back to his hands

"Get out" his voice was hoarse and pained, as though he couldn't bear listening to it
"You've been avoiding me, Draco" I stated, wrapping one hand over my other fist, then perching my chin on top of them

When he didn't reply, I added

"In the kitchen, I called your name and you practically flew out of there" this time, I got a reaction, finally regaining eye contact as he scoffed
"Well, you seemed to be having such a swell time with Castell, I didn't want to interrupt anything" he was lethal in his tone of voice, and his glare matched it
"You mean when he was healing the bruises you caused?" I said with contracted eyes
"You know what I mean" he responded dully, twisting the rings in his fingers and causing flakes of dried blood to float onto the sheets
"No, I don't" I said insistently, making him sigh as he leaned his head back against the headboard
"He seemed to enjoy the show, didn't he?" He spat lowly, making me laugh dryly as I realised what he was referring to
"If me taking off my shirt in front of another boy bothers you so much then maybe you should've thought twice before trying to kill me" I said harshly
"I didn't-" his head darted up immediately at my remark, before stopping himself sharply, "I wasn't-I wasn't trying to..."

He trailed off without finishing his sentence, seeming to wrangle with a multitude of thoughts, none definitive enough to express. After wiping a drop of blood off the bridge of his nose with the knuckle of his thumb, he fixated a deafening stare onto my face, and with a twisted expression, reached a hand out gently before pulling it away as I winced involuntarily

"That's why I've been avoiding you" he said, his voice unevenly broken up as he took in a shaking breath, "I can't...bear to see the fear in your eyes, and have to know that I was the one that caused it, I can't"

With utmost caution, I leaned forward, the tips of my fingers brushing lightly along his cheek, initially causing him to grow rigid with unfamiliarity, before eventually mellowing, leaning his cheek into the palm of my hand

"You're scared of me" his voice had a faint rasp in it as I shook my head resolutely
"No I'm not" I said quietly, placing my other hand gingerly on his other cheek as a sheen arose in his eyes
"I'll hurt you again, I will, I'll do it" he gritted as I continued to shake my head, choking on his own words yet still growing more desperate to deliver their purpose, "I'll hurt you like I did before and you'll grow to be afraid of me I know-"

He exhausted himself of both breath and motivation as he crumbled towards me, my hand moving to the back of his head as he breathed heavily into the nape of my neck, the hushed hum of his sobs reverberating through me as he weaved shaking hands around both sides of my stomach

"Why can't you just give up on me?" he said with a sorrowed exasperation, "I've done everything I can, I've told you you were worthless and I've made you feel used and I've called you horrible names but you still won't give up on me"

His bewilderment puzzled me. I stayed silent, scratching his hair in a consoling manner as I struggled to arrive at an answer.

"I just won't let myself" I said, a wholly dissatisfying answer, but it was the only one I could offer presently
"You should" he said dejectedly as he clawed at the fabric of my shirt, "I'll ruin you if you don't"
"Maybe" I responded, "I guess I'll find out"

What we could've talked about that carried the conversation through the afternoon and into the night I couldn't lucidly recall, there were topics of of comfort places, of placid works of music, of literature debates, and of inquisition. His tears dried and his smile grew with mine. What had been forged in the white noise between our divulgence was delicate and obscure, but it grew more tangible with each laugh that unravelled like silk ribbons off our tongues.

"It feels like a betrayal to your country" Draco pestered, "how can you favour an American classic?"
"It's not just any American classic, mind you, it's The Great Gatsby, only the superiority novel of all classic literature" I responded stubbornly, sitting upright against the headboard while he had moved to the desk chair nearby
"That's a matter of opinion" he remarked with a look of offence
"Fine, then, you tell me, what's the best work of classic literature?" I questioned with interest
"That's easy" he answered confidently, "Jane Eyre"
"Charlotte Bronte?" I said
"So you've heard of it" he inferred, rising from his seat to stand in front of the book shelf next to the bed, fingers browsing through the texts until coming upon a magenta purple cover book, pulling it out from the rest and handing it to me
"I've read it once or twice" I answered, flipping through the pages absentmindedly
"How could you have read Jane Eyre and still claim that there's something better"
"The Great Gasby is better" I said resolutely
"You're delusional" he said with a chuckle
"No, I just have taste" I said, my head darting towards the window as a faint pattering clattered into the room, "oh, it's raining! At night!"
"No shit, genius" he responded sarcastically, clearly not comprehending the source of my excitement
"Come on, you git, let's go" I said, sliding off the bed in a hurry, ditching my shoes in my haste to throw on a sweater
"Where?" He said, amused though still clueless
"Outside" I said with an impatient sigh, "obviously"
"My mistake for being unfamiliar with your bizarre pastimes" he said, rolling his eyes as he walked to where I was waiting at the doorway
"Your mistake, indeed" I said pleasantly, pulling him out of his room by the hand, jogging towards the back door with a giddy smile at my fondness for the rain
"Wait, wait" he pulled me back as I reached for the door handle, "umbrellas"
"Why?" I said with an annoyed grin, "so you can ruin all the enjoyment?"
"You're going to catch a cold" he said with a disapproving look
"All in good fun" I said, patting his shoulder jovially and darting out into the gardens before he could stop me
"If you get the flu, I'll leave you to die a slow painful death" he said, laughing as he ran after me, the both of us drowning exhilaratingly in the downpour
"Those are the best kinds of deaths" I exclaimed, matching his laughter with my own as water seeped through our clothes and clung mildly transparently to our skin, my hair swinging water droplets as we ran deeper into the garden with no specific destination in mind until we arrived at one of the many lakes on the property

"(Y/n) don't you dare do what I think you're about to do" he warned as I walked away from him with my back to the lake, a smirk growing on my face as I peeled my soaked shirt over my head, tossing it onto a nearby bush
"What do you think I'm about to do?" I taunted as I stripped away the rest of my clothing until I was left in underwear and a bra
"(Y/n), get back here and put your clothes on" he ordered sternly, too concerned to be flustered over my near nudity
"Come get me, ferret" I shouted one last time before jumping into the freezing cold waters, resurfacing with an adrenaline I never wanted to be rid of
"That's enough, you're going to be sick, come out" he called as he ran towards the edge of the lake, cursing as I ignored his demand before loosening the buttons on his white dress shirt, tossing it aside and diving in after me with only sweatpants
"See, it's fun" I whooped as he broke the surface of the waters that were in violent motion from the constant stream of rainfall
"You're gonna be the goddamn death of me" he breathed with a cross expression but a fiery smirk as he swam towards me, and the hysteria of the storm seemed to subside as he cupped my cheek with a cold hand, rubbing the stinging skin with his thumb, "I'm going to kiss you now"

When he received a nod from me, he pushed through the water between us to close his mouth onto mine, water droplets fell from his damp hair and landed daintily on my nose as he kissed me, heightening me by wrapping my legs around his waist, my figure weightless in the water as he repainted my mouth with his tongue. As the blinding flashes of light illuminated our magnificently enraptured souls, we lost and found ourselves in each other