Redamancy (d.m)

Chapter thirty nine-the order

My summer was exhausting at best, but that was the way I wanted it to be. I worked relentlessly for the order, attended every meeting, making me the youngest member ever recruited. I refused to divulge too much information to Hermione and Ron, who were also staying at number twelve, Grimmauld Place, but only as guests, not as members. I occasionally attended death eater meetings, which were unpleasant but bearable, seeing as I didn't speak much. I thought back to my very first death eater meeting, which had been the most terrifying of all, to see Lord Voldemort in the flesh.

I knocked onto the tall marble doors of the Malfoy Manor, repeating my rehearsed lies given to me by Dumbledore. When I was let in, the rest of the death eaters were already gathered in the black seats surrounded a long table, Lord Voldemort at the front of it. Bellatrix smiled proudly when she saw me, motioning for me to take the empty seat next to her.

"Ahhh...so this is the daughter I've heard about?" Lord Voldemort hissed lowly. Adopted daughter, though I didn't dare correct him, instead bowing slightly before sitting down
"My Lord" the falsehood floated effortlessly from my lips, and he stretched his thin mouth into a distorted smile
"She will need to be marked" I bit my lip nervously. This, I was not prepared for.

Bella had told me what it felt like to get the dark mark on your forearm, and from what she described, it wasn't exactly a walk in the park. Lord Voldemort stood up silently, gliding over to where I sat.

"The ceremony can be joined with the Malfoy boy"

My eyes landed on Malfoy, who's gaze was already fixated on me, wordlessly asking questions I didn't know the answers to. I was marked first, and the process brought out a string of offensive language that made Voldemort cackle. It took much longer than I had expected, and I chewed the inside of my cheek to prevent any further noises from slipping out. Malfoy took it much better, remaining stone faced as he kept his eyes on mine, wincing occasionally. And then it was over, and the meeting began. I was commanded to remain at the Order as a spy for Lord Voldermort, just as Dumbledore expected I would be. When the meeting ended, a harsh hand prevented me from exiting the manor.

"What the hell are you playing at, Lestrange?" Malfoy's tone was brash, and his jaw was tense
"Get your hands off me" I snarled, but it only made him hold on tighter, "what are you going on about?"
"Coming here. Joining the Dark Lord." He spat, eyes finding the reddened patch of skin where the fresh mark resided
"Of course I'd join him. My mother has. Your parents have." I said incredulously
"But you're not like Bellatrix. You...you...you spend your time hanging around with Potter and that Mudblood" he said, his voice dangerously low, "their kind is good, they're all for equality, and kindness, they're..."
"What they are is disposable" I said, praying my words were convincing, "I wouldn't give up my legacy for a few school friends, Malfoy. Say hello to your mother for me."

My task wasn't always as easy as just putting on a show. I was quite certain I had sacrificed any and all morality I could possibly have possessed to prove my loyalty to Lord Voldemort. I had tortured, beaten, kidnapped, and even killed both innocent and guilty, to the point where my consciousness began to blur together the borders that separated right and wrong, and the questions in my mind evolved from "what's for dinner?" To "Does a sinner remain sinful if the sins he commits are for a prevention of further sins?". These kinds of weighing debates were what burdened me during the rare times where loneliness was inescapable, when I had done absolutely everything I could to keep myself busy, and was forced to face the visions of Cedric that appeared without fault.