Never Meant to Be

P. 15

tw: suicide

Tubbo

"What.. what do you mean?" I asked.

Tommy tore his gaze away from the sun to face me. His eyes stared directly into mine.

"Look, I've been through a lot of shit ever since exile. Yes, it's partially your fault, but you're not the one to blame. Dream is. And, the thing is, I've tried to keep living. During my exile, there were so many times that I dreamed  of jumping down into the lava, just to relieve all my pain. But I didn't. And that causes me to become the mess I am today."

"And plus," Tommy continued. "I've seen enough of the world. I know I'm younger than you, but I've been through some things and it taught me a lesson. It taught me that even the closest to you can hurt you in the worst way possible. But being a ghost, it gets rid of all your bad memories. And that's all I want right now." Tommy looked back into the sky, leaving me frozen in place.

"Tommy, you can't.. I just got you back-"

"You'll be fine Tubbo. You have all of your other friends, you did okay when I was in exile. Just think of it this way; I'll still be around L'manburg, talking with you guys, but I'll be happier! I won't need to remember all the bad things that happened to me, and, well, I think that I'd be a much better person as a ghost."

Moments of silence pass by. I quickly wipe a tear that was about to drop and looked at Tommy.

His eyes were watering a bit too, but he tried to hide his emotions.

"This isn't a war that I should fight in, and plus, if I die, Dream won't have anything to use against me. He'll give up. And that's all I want; for you to lead L'manburg without any problems," Tommy continued. He looked at me in my eyes and reached in for a hug.

Were these truly my last moments with him?

Surely not.

I hold him as close as I can and shut my eyes to prevent tears from falling out. It doesn't work very well however and I get pulled away fast.

"I'm sorry, Tubbo."

Tommy stands up and walks to the ledge. My heart races, and I quickly lunge forward as I see his foot step into the thin air. 

"NO!!" I scream. I grab Tommy's hand as my chest is pinned against the platform. My best friends life, hanging on my hand.

"Please don't go," I mumble through my tears. My head feels heavy from the blood that rushes to it as I look at Tommy's calm face. I see how far we are from the ground now, and there was no possible way that Tommy would survive if I let him go.

"Please.."

"I'd never thought I'd say this Tubbo," Tommy said, through laughs of pain and tears. ".. but I guess that it was never meant to be."

His hand loosens from my grip and my sweaty hand comes in contact with the air and nothing else. I watch helplessly as Tommy falls down and down, into the pit of darkness. Everything, all the experiences that we had together, flash through my mind.

There were so many things that we did that changed my life completely. We were always together. We joined the server together. We built L'manburg together. We fought off every war together. Those memories will always stay inside my head; all the laughs we had with Wilbur, and even the times that Tommy would curse at Dream.

Yet, there was so much more to accomplish. We could've ran away together. We could've built our own city far far away from other people. We could've fought for the discs back and most importantly, we could've spent more time together.

Tommy, my first best friend, wasn't here anymore. L'manburg wouldn't be the same without him, even with Fundy and Quackity. Even with the ghost version of Tommy, we won't make the same memories that we did with Tommy when he was alive. Nothing will be the same. Nothing, not my life, not L'manburg, not anything.

Every Hamilton reference we made comes into my mind. I've always thought Tommy had the slightest similarities to Hamilton, and I would be his Aaron Burr. They would fight, but still be friends. Burr was even the cause of Hamilton's death, and I was too. I could've held onto Tommy for longer. I could've.

But I didn't, and it leaves a mark in my chest.

We could've done so much more. If only we had more time.