Continuing the cycles

True love

Autumn~

I sat up in the bed and watched Armani sleep peacefully she doesn't know what going on around her she's so innocent and just like her daddy used to say she looks just like me

"Autumn breakfast is ready" Elise knocked on the door I picked Amari up and kissed all over his face he giggled

"Hey mamas baby"

"Mama"

"Mommy?" Armani woke up from her slumber

"Good morning sweetie it's time to get up" I smiled at her and tears formed in her eyes and my smile turned into a look of concern

"What's wrong baby?"

"Mommy I had a dream that you weren't here anymore and daddy was so mean and he made you cry and then he hit you and you fell and never got back up" She sobbed

"Hey baby you don't have to worry about that anymore okay we're safe now" I hugged her tightly

"Mommy I'm scared he's gonna come back and hurt you"

"I know baby I know but-" I stopped myself I don't want to feed her anymore lies than I already have about her father I don't know what he's fully capable of and what he can do I've seen but I'm sure I haven't seen the worst

Elise walked into the room and sat on the bed

"Sweetie I heard about your dream I wanna let you know mommy's okay and she's safe now okay? And no ones gonna hurt her when she's here"

"But what about when we go back home he lived there too" Elise looked up at me I looked down Amari became fussy in my arms so I walked out of the room to get him some food

"Come on Armani it's time to eat" I called Armani downstairs

"I fixed you a plate come sit down next to mama" she stared at the picture of my grandparents

"What happened to Abuela?" My uncle almost choked on his orange juice

"Uh.. she went somewhere to rest"

"Will she be back?"

"No sweetie she's gonna be there for a long time"

"Oh... I remember her from when I was little like Mari she used to take me to the park and get ice cream" she smiled

"Come on sweetie eat your pancakes" I changed the subject I saw tears running down Elise's face

"Elise she didn't know I'm sorry"

"No it's not that can I be excused" she slid her chair in I put food on Amari's high chair Elise let me use her daughter's chair

"Here baby eat this Tío can you watch them for me please I'm gonna go check on her" I pushed my chair up and walked up the stairs

"Yea go ahead"

"Elise?" I knocked on her bedroom door

"Elise what's wrong," I asked as I sat on the foot of her bed

"Today's the anniversary of my mother's death"

"My dad loved her so much we were the perfect family but she wasn't happy with him"

"So she found happiness in another man"

"And she told him she was married and was about to cut it off then he killed her"

"And I never knew what actually happened until I was 12"

"So hearing him lie to Armani just like he lied to me was sickening" tears streamed down her face

"I'm so sorry that happened I never knew"

"She was so beautiful" she looked at her nightstand where a picture of a Carmel skinned black woman and her father stood smiling at a carnival she had a round swollen belly

"That's her I assume"

"Yea that's her"

"She's beautiful" I replied she looked at the ceiling pondering in her thoughts

"What else?" I said knowing she had something else on her mind

"You remember when we were younger and Abuela told everyone what was happening with you and-"

"Yea what about it?" I cut her off not wanting to hear his name

"I-I told my grandma that she was a liar and I called her all these names because you've always been her favorite and I regret it so much" she put her hand on her forehead as she spoke to me

"It's okay she forgives you she's never been the type to take things to heart" I explained

"Elise you were angry everyone was because things weren't as they seemed"

"What made you not believe me?" I blurted out

"Why would I lie?" I continued

"Autumn I didn't believe you because the adults around me didn't believe you and-and I didn't believe you until it happened to me and I know that sounds horrible but I was a kid I didn't know what to think I barely knew what that word was"

"And when you came out saying that he raped you I didn't know what to think"

"You were my best friend I couldn't imagine something like that happening to you so I chose to ignore it" she explained

"But you don't know how bad it hurt me to have that happen to me then my whole family turn their backs on me when I need them the most," I said as I fought back tears

"I know and I am so sorry"

"And my mother cried so hard I felt so bad because I brought more pain to her than she already had she already had to deal with a lot when she came home because of my father and I felt like I made it worse" I cried

"I told my dad a couple of days after it happened and he cried it was the first time I saw him cry besides my mother funeral and I cried with him I didn't know what was happening to me or what was going on all I know was that it did not feel good and it hurt," she said lowly

"I didn't know what happened to me affected so many people" I replied

"I think back on it sometimes and wish I believed you because I wouldn't have been the next victim if my dad believed you he wouldn't have let me spend the night there but I can't blame anyone but myself"

"It's not your fault he couldn't control himself El you gotta know that" She wiped her tears

"I know and I'm sorry to bring back all these painful memories"

"No it's okay this is your journey to healing I didn't know but I needed it too," I said She grabbed my hand and squeezed it gently, and smiled at me

"We're going back home today after breakfast," I told her

"What? Why?"

"Because we don't have any clothes here or towels or anything"

"But he knows where you live"

"I know but I have a feeling I'll be okay"

"Okay be safe baby I love you" she kissed my cheek

"Love you too" I walked downstairs and saw my uncle and the kids watching TV I sat down on that stairs thinking about Lucas if he does find me what will happen and does he really even love me

If Lucas is my True love why does he do this to me?

"Let us dream of tomorrow where we can truly love from the soul, and know love as the ultimate truth at the heart of all creation."
– Michael Jackson