Continuing the cycles

When it hurts so bad...

Set in the past-

Autumn-

Summer of 2016

Dear diary,

A lot of people tend to have the misconception that leaving an abusive relationship is easy you just tell someone or call the police or just simply leave... but when that person and that abuse is all you've known what do you do then? When that person has treated you like this for so long you think you deserve it. There's no point in leaving you'll ultimately only find worse. You see abuse isn't always like what you see on TV it isn't always he hits you then brings your flowers and promises to never do it again there's levels to it those are the beginning stages then he starts to not care anymore it's almost like he's daring you to leave him he's testing you. He wants to see how long it will take him to break you. In my case it didn't take very long you see when I found Lucas I was already broken. Running away from my father,  And nothings better than the devil you already know...

I hurried to put my dress and shoes on before he woke up shaking anxious that he would awake

I looked out the door Lucas was still sleeping

I slipped the red silk dress that fit me perfectly it looked wonderful on my body made it look like I had all the curves in the right places I slipped it on over my head putting fishnet stocking on carefully trying not to rip them I tripped over Lucas shoe bumping into the dresser

"Fuck!" I whispered scared shaking I turned back around hoping he didn't hear it and was still sleep

"Going somewhere are we?" Lucas's tall frame stood in the doorway I flinched in nervousness

Only God knows how scared I was

"H-hey baby I was just going out with my friends you know to Taylor's birthday dinner" I said nervously fiddling with my fingers

"The party I told you, you couldn't go to right?" I chuckled

"Well if your going with friends take me with you I would love to meet them" he cynically smiled I backed up as he got closer

"That dress is too fucking short take it off" He stepped into the room

"Babe It's not too short-" I tried to explain

"You tryna impress someone?" He said stepping closer to me I backed up more and more closer to the full body mirror

"N-no I'm not it's just-"

"It's just nothing Autumn take the fucking dress off or I'll do it for you!" He yelled I flinched

"Babe just st-" He cut me off by throwing me on the bed wrestling me

"Stop" I kicked him

"What did i just fucking tell you Autumn" He pinned my arms above my head slipping the dress roughly off of me

I winced as he scratched my thigh ripping the fishnets off

"Your hurting me Lucas stop" I told him as my voice cracked

"Okay I'm sorry" I said and he stopped my breast were out my dress and stocking were ripped I didn't even want to go anymore

"Next time I tell you to do something just fucking do it" He said

"I'm sorry" I said wiping my tears  I looked in the mirror my mascara was running I looked horrible

"You looked fat in it anyway" he scoffed walking away I followed him

"Fuck you Lucas I hate you!!" I yelled across the hall

He turned around slowly

"The fuck did you just say to me?" I instantly regretted it I should've just kept my mouth shut.