Continuing the cycles

I'd rather go blind

Autumn

This book has graphic violence and sexual assault and sexual content viewers discretion is advised

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I sat up In bed thinking about what I was gonna tell Lucas I walked to the bathroom naked and looked at my body and the yellow bruises that were finally healing I looked at the passion marks Jabari left on my body and sighed this was a mistake but it felt so good. Have you did something wrong but felt so right this was how I felt I grabbed the spare toothbrush from under the sink and brushed my teeth I jumped as I felt someone's arms around my waist

"Chill baby it's just me" he surrendered

"Don't do that you scared me" I hit his chest playfully

I checked my phone and had 30 missed calls from Lucas I rushed out the bathroom and quickly got dressed

"Shit I gotta go I'm sorry" I rushed passed him 

"Dammit, where are they?" I said as I fished for my keys in my purse

"What's wrong baby, what did I do wrong?" Jabari said sadly

"N-n-nothing I just have to go," I said scared

"Why are you scared Autumn?" He asked

I cringed at his sentence that's what Lucas always asks.

"I can't tell you right now it's too much to explain," I said with tears running down my face.

"What do you need me to do I'm here to support you?"

I pondered in my thoughts debating whether or not I should tell him the truth.

"Can you help me find my keys?" I said still fishing around for my keys.

"Yea, I think your keys are in your pants pockets." He said going through the pile of clothes I left on the floor.

"Thank you, J I'll text you if I can," I said looking down at my fingernails.

"What do you mean if you can?" He said confused.

" I have to go Jabari I'm sorry," I said running out of his house as I had an incoming call from Lucas.

I ran to my car and immediately burst into tears, I let every emotion I was feeling out even the ones I don't understand. I sat in my car for at least 10 minutes crying and thinking about what Lucas was going to do to me when I got to the apartment. I looked at the snow as it fell on the windshield and mustered up the courage to start the car. I wiped my tears and exited the driveway. My mind was racing at the thought of the many ways tonight could end. 

I sent Jabari a text since I didn't get to say goodbye or tell him the truth.

"I'm sorry I just ran out like that but I have a lot going on that I will explain later."

"It's okay baby girl, you can tell me when you're ready."

"I promise I will, I just need some time that's all."