Continuing the cycles

Can't stop loving you

-Autumn-

-Memory-

~2 years prior~
I cried as we watched the notebook

"You're so sensitive"

"Shut up this is sad she doesn't even know that she's who he's talking about and they're supposed to be soul mates" I sobbed

2 hours later we finished the movie

"Lucas you wanna play 21 questions?"

"Yea let's go" I sat up in the bed and smiled

"What?" He laughed

"I love hanging out with you, you make me feel special" He put his hand on my cheek and kissed me

"You go first"

"Have you ever been in love?"

"Yea with you"

"Awee" I blushed

"You're so corny" I playfully pushed him

"Do you have any tattoos?"

"Yea I got two I have a butterfly on my hip and a tattoo on my forearm that says pain shaped a woman into a warrior"

"How many do you have?"

"Right now I got about 14-15 I'm gonna get some more sooner or later"

"Have you ever hurt someone you love?" I asked as looked down and fiddled with my nails

"Yea you" A tear slipped from my eye

These damn period emotions

"Lucas"

"It's true I always hurt you no matter how hard I try not to" He turned my chin to look at him

"I love you Autumn I hope you never forget that no matter how violent and angry I get just know I love you"

"I love you too" he wiped my tear

"My grandma just texted me and said Armani said she misses you" I smiled as I showed him the text he looked at the picture she sent of her playing with her Barbie dolls

"Awe my baby girl she looks just like you" my heart melted as I watched him admire her

"I'm glad you had my child" I smiled at him

"Have you ever been drunk before?" He asked

"Yes I have once at a party it was horrible I had a massive headache the next day" he chuckled

"Light weight I'm a black out drunk so if I get drunk it's gonna be some problems" I nodded taking note

"Would you rather have a house on the beach or on the mountains?" I watched him roll up his blunt he brought it to his lips and lit it he drew a puff

"Beach definitely it's easier access to everything" he answered

"True true I agree" he passed the blunt

"You want some?" I nodded my head and brought the blunt to my lips and inhaled but kept the smoke in my mouth and blew it back out

"Okay I see you pro you ain't even cough" he took the blunt out my hands

"What was the worst thing that ever happened to you"

"Uh..." I hesitated to answer

"I was left in the care of a family member and I was sexually assaulted by him that was the worst thing that ever happened to me and seeing my mother try kill herself that-that broke me" he looked me deep into my eyes with compassion and empathy

"What's yours?" I cleared my throat breaking the silence

"Seeing my mother's lifeless body on the living room floor with my father standing on top of her and within minutes him on the ground next to her dead as well"

"Lucas I never knew-"

"It's okay Autumn we learn something new everyday right?"

"I knew your mom died but I didn't know he died as well" as tears escaped his eyes and I wiped them away

"I could've saved her" he cried

"No you couldn't have nothing could've saved her if it was meant to be then nothing could have changed it you can never save someones life you can only delay there deaths" He nodded his head in agreement wiping his tears and drew another puff from the blunt

"What was the scariest thing you've ever done?"

"Standing up to my dad while he was beating my mom" he replied

"I was afraid he would kill her so I made him hit me instead"

"And little did I know that would be the worst beating I ever got"

"You?" He asked

"Standing up to my dad in court for domestic violence charges I was only 12 and they asked me to come to the trial and come to the stand and demonstrate the bruises I had and the scars that were on my body" I reminisced

"I hated it I loved my daddy with everything in me but to see him with so much hate In his eyes as he hit my mother over and over made me slowly hate him"

"And I know I shouldn't say that but how he used to treat us was terrible" he nodded his head understanding

"You know we went through pretty similar stuff"

"Yea maybe we were meant to be together" I laughed

He passed me the blunt again and I took a long pull and blew it out my nose

"Shit I needed this" he ran his finger around my busted lip

"I'm sorry" he looked at me sincerely

"It's okay-"

"No it's not I shouldn't be putting my hands on you especially after what you've been through your life has already been hell and I'm just making it worse I'm really sorry Autumn" he sat up in the bed

"Lucas I know you didn't mean it this time and I know you'll get better I just have to stay out of your way sometimes"

"If your life was a movie what would it be called" I broke the awkward silence I watched as he blew circles from the smoke I admired his facial features

"Probably The shockingly vile childhood of Lucas"

"Mine would probably be The acts committed against Autumn Marie"

"That's too long" he chuckled

"True but I like it"

"What's one thing you can never live without?"

"You" he replied I felt my face heating up

"Stopppp" I turned my face away embarrassed

Alexa ironically played loving you by Micheal Jackson lowly in the background

"Lucas you don't mean that" he turned my chin to face him

"It's true I don't know what but I can't stop loving you Autumn Marie"