Continuing the cycles

This thing called life.

~>Autumn<~

This chapter contains graphic violence and sexual content readers discretion is advised 

Same day

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I am inexperienced when it comes to sex so, chile I just put stuff together 

I felt someone in the shower behind me I've definitely been in here for about an hour but this is my safe haven or so I thought I turned around face to face with Lucas he looked at me with lust in his eyes. I continued to wash my body with lathering body soap he grabbed my hand and placed it on his body It's been so long since we've been together in this way he looked me in my eyes and placed his hands on my body as I stroked him he groaned in my ear which made me yearn for him more I pulled him close signaling to him that I wanted him 

"You sure?" he asked I nodded

He always asked if I was sure before performing sexual activities because he knew about my past. That was one thing I respected about him I gasped as his fingers entered me slowly he pinned me against the glass shower door and picked up the pace I moaned loudly in his ear as he pleasured me he took his finger and rubbed it around my clit I felt my climax coming and held it.

"B-babe I'm bout to-," I whispered in his ear

"Hold it," he demanded I did as told he grabbed my neck gently as he slowly entered me as if I was a virgin like he was scared he was gonna hurt me like he hasn't done it before he slowly picked up his pace and switched positions my eyes rolled to the back of my eyes as I let it rain down on him my body shook in react to the pleasure

"You on birth control?" he asked after he finished 

"No Lucas you didn't pull out?"

"You know I can't pull out of you girl," he smirked I laughed and slapped him upside his head

"Omg this is serious I can't get pregnant again dude I don't want another baby" he wrapped his hands around my waist as I stepped out of the shower I loved this Lucas the Lucas who loved me and made love to me the Lucas who cared about me the Lucas that was like the one I fell in love with but this was only a honeymoon phase he would soon go back to the Lucas I know too well

He held my hand and lead me back to the hospital room I sighed they said they had to monitor me until I gained at least ten pounds or I'll have to go to a mental health facility 

"Babe I wanna tell you why I have to stay here"

"Wassup?" 

"I haven't been eating like at all I avoid food as much as I can and I throw up my food when I do eat and when I look in the mirror all  I see is fat like I can't see anything else after I had these kids my body has never been the same and I hate it and when you tell me I look fat and when you tell me those hurtful things that make it worse" I put my underwear on

"Baby I am so sorry I never wanted you to feel bad about yourself when I look at you all I see is beauty especially after everything you've been through" he hugged me I wrapped my arms around his neck and cried

"I love you Autumn Marie Alsina even if I don't show it"

"I love you too Lucas Armani Coly even if you don't love me anymore I will never stop loving you" I unwrapped my hands and laid in the bed Lucas sat next to me and held me as we watched the hospital channels I looked at him as he smiled at me 

"What?" I blushed 

"I'm so lucky to have you I don't deserve you at all even after how I treat you, you still love me and you have never left my side since we were in high school"

"It's because I know what you've been through and I know its not your fault you act the way you do because I have the same thing bipolar disorder runs in both sides of my family my mother passed to down to me so our kids are most likely to get it too"

"When I was diagnosed with split personality disorder I didn't believe them but until I got with you I noticed I started forgetting a lot of things and the first time I put my hands on you was the first time he took control and by each time it got harder and harder to contain it" a tear slipped out his eye I wiped his tears and kissed his cheeks

"I remember me and my mom's first fight she called me a psychopath and I called her a psychotic bitch I regret every word I said to my mom that day she didn't understand me and probably never will" Lucas opened his mouth to say something but closed it

"What? it's okay you can say it"

"How did it happen?" he paused 

"How did you end up this way you never told me the full story?"

"Uh it happened about 14 years ago I was 6 years old it was the summertime and church services were long back then and they were an important family in the catholic church so they had to stay long hours after the service" I laughed 

"But my mom would go to church with the rest of the family and I would stay with my grandparents my mom knew my grandpa was abusive but she trusted my grandmother to keep me safe every day at 12 noon my grandmother would take a nap and my grandfather would make me sit in the living room with him and he would touch me but I never told anyone because I was scared and one day he slipped something into my grandmothers drink and she went to sleep for hours I used to always cry on Saturday night because I knew I would have to go there on Sundays and he brought me up to his room and he had an x rated movie on the TV he told me that if I loved him I would give him what he wanted and I told him no and I remember that night he repeatedly asked me did I love him and I told him I did and he made me watched him masturbate and I remember he made me watch the TV and I turned for a second and he slapped me I cried and he laid me back down and pinned my arms on the head board and took my innocence away from me he took my childhood away from me i started my period at the age of six i went to an all girls school because i started my period early my mom just thought i was over developed but no he's the reason that happened and it wasnt just that time it happened twice after that until I finally told my grandmother my family didnt believe me they even shunned me because they believed there father could never do something like that my mother didnt find out until she was in a coma she never came to so i'm not sure if she even heard me" I wiped the tears from my face and sighed as I thought back on my family and how they could believe and 50 year old man over there own niece my own uncle was skeptical my cousin penni unfriended me after that and i never went to any family events after that because everyone looked at me in disgust but when Penni came out about it everyone believed her and felt sorry for her but where was that when that six year old girl was being raped where was that when i was crying for help but no one listened 

"I'm so sorry" he hugged me I looked at him surprised he didn't express his feelings this much ever

"Lucas, what's made you change?"

"My mother's death anniversary is coming up its the 7th year anniversary" tears streamed down his face I couldn't help but to feel for him both of our mothers have passed due to domestic violence and here we are playing their roles in this thing called life