Continuing the cycles

Whoa

"God have mercy on me" I prayed as he inches closer to the car

My breathing hitched as he inched closer to where we were

"Get out" Three said

"I- I can't I can't go back there"

"He's not gonna hurt you" he replied

"He told me he just wanted to talk to make everything better"

I jumped as Lucas hit the window he looked into my eyes and I knew he was high and drunk  tonight might be the end... or the beginning it all depends on wether he continues the toxic cycles of our generations I watched the blood coursing through his veins bulge out in his arms

I opened the door slowly and opened the back seat to get the kids

"No leave them three is gonna take them to Marianas house" he grabbed my waist oddly soft I stepped out of his embrace and he pulled me back but not too hard

"I want you and only you" he kissed me

"Lucas" I breathed as he kissed my neck I can't lie it undeniably good but I can't fall for it not again

I pushed him off of me I looked in his eyes and he looked normal he didn't look like himself like the toxic Lucas but he looks lost like he doesn't know himself anymore

"Let's go Autumn"

"Wait let me say goodbye-"

"I said let's go!" He yanked my arm towards him and just them he snapped back into reality that split second of happiness was washed away by the guilt he has by the built up anger he has towards me his father and his mother towards everyone the sadness he's kept inside from his mother's death only comes out on me.

I did as told and walked with him to the car it was a silent ride home

"I'm sorry baby-"

"Autumn do you know how many times I've heard you say that?" He interrupted my sentence

"I- no I don't"

"Countless of times I've heard you repeat over and over that your sorry your sorry"

"Your NOT SORRY" he hit the steering wheel causing me to flinch

"I- I didn't mean to upset you Lucas I just wanted-"

"You just wanted what?!"

"While you were gone I planned on what I was gonna do to you when I found you" he grabbed a bottle of patrone from the compartment in his car. A tear rolled down my face as I knew it was gonna get worse from here

"Take it off" he tugged my sweater I slowly took my sweater off as he came closer to me he placed his lips on my shoulder I shivered He kissed his way up to my jaw and stopped and licked my neck I let out a slight moan as I haven't been pleasured since I had Amari

He kissed my lips oh so softly as our tongues had a battle of domination his had won the war

I realized what we were doing and backed away from him and sat back in my seat I looked in the mirror to see he had left a passion mark on my neck and shoulders he had finally made a mark on my body out of love or lust and not of anger

"I can't" I finally told him He nodded his head and sat back in his seat and fixed his posture he picked up the bottle and took a swig and leaned closer to me

"Lucas stop" I said as he kissed my neck he slid my tank top off and took my breast into his hands And continued to kiss my body I looked it the window at the trees the trees were in transition between summer and fall I gasped as I felt his lust grow more for me as his desire for my love grew stronger he grabbed my neck and turned me to him he kissed my lips and turned away I put my hand on my chest as I felt my chest beating rapidly I squeezed my legs tight as I knew the effect he still had on me was strong

I listened to the background as Snoh Aalegra played lowly over the speakers her music speaks to me on a different level shes a mix of the joy of sexual pleasure and a symbol of love at the same time

" Don't wanna leave, I just wanna be here by your side You make me feel and believe that we in paradise Cause I don't feel the ground No, I don't feel the ground But I'm feelin' right, I'll tell you what it's all about Cause you're makin' me feel this way And it's kinda like whoa" I sang along with her

"Autumn?"

"Yes?"

"You know I never meant to hurt you" he looked at me as he took another pull from his blunt I knew when he got high he felt affectionate and he feels guilty but when he gets drunk he's angry but when he's on both I've never seen him like this before

I pulled my sweater back up and laid back in my seat we sat outside the parking lot just like this since I got out of threes car

"Take your shirt off let me see your stomach" he said I hesitantly took it off I've been losing weight I haven't been eating because of stress

I watched as his eyes traced every scar every bruise and every mark that has it own place on my body and it brought tears to my eyes I have a burn mark on my thigh from the incident with Santana (Her grandpa) he heated a knife and told me if I told anyone he would kill me

"What are you thinking about?" He looked in my eyes I wiped my tears

"Nothing" I cleared my throat

"You want some?" He passed me the blunt

"No I'm good can we go now?"

"Not until I finish this hit"

"Now ima ask you again you wanna hit?" He passed me the blunt I took it out of his hands and drew it to my lips I took a long pull and blew out I coughed a little and gave it back to him

"See there you go ma you a pro already" he laughed

"Oh my" I held my head as i felt myself getting dizzy I felt everything spinning around me I felt everything closing in on me then I blacked out

"Nothin' like when we lock eyes I look away from time to time All I see is you right now Just wanna lay with you all night Feel your body next to mine Boy, I need you now" - Snoh Aalegra