What If's

CHAPTER 11

If my life was a movie, the lead guy would turn to my direction and maybe walk near me to explain some weird-shit plot like; him and that woman was only together because of business, he was forced to or he'd say she's just a family relative. But unfortunately, it's not and even if it is, there's nothing left to be explained because in the first place, we're only part of each other's past. What we had was history.

I sighed for the hundredth time since this man beside me dragged me out of that place. "Hindi ko alam, I could've walked away earlier or turn a blind eye pero something is keeping me, and weird diba?" 

Sa fairytales, example kay Cinderella, by this time sinasayaw na siya ng kanyang prince charming making those other girls wither in envy, only wishing to be on her shoes but as I said, my life is not a fairytale.

Alam niyo yung feeling na hindi nababagay yung outfit mo sa lugar kung nasaan ka, well that's exactly what I am feeling right now. 

Night gowns and tuxedo's are usually worn for a feast, a gala but here we are in an empty parking lot of a convenience store under the cold of the night sitting at the back of his metallic-gray pick-up truck. 

"Bakit ba dito mo ako palaging dinadala? Sayo ba itong convenience store masyado kang loyal." Napailing siya sabay tawa. Abnormal.

"Ayaw mo nun, drink all you can pero may privacy at may peace and quiet pa. And you think dadalhin kita sa bar? Wag kang umasa Alexandra." 

"Bakit ka nasa party?" Tanong ko sabay bukas sa panibagong can ng beer. Hindi siya sumagot kaya nilingon ko siya.

"Hoy Josh, tongue-tied? Ano na, sagot!" He was staring at the night sky as if may sagot dun.

"Baka magkakilala parents natin."

"Baka? Ano yun, di ka sure?" Napakamot siya sa ulo niya dahil sa sinabi ko.

"Ah basta kasi! Ang dami mong tanong." Sagot niya lang. Napakunot ang noo ko, bakit ba ayaw akong sagutin ng lalaking to.

Napabuntong hininga siya, "One thing is for sure, hindi ako nag gate-crash okay, just be thankful na nandoon ako at niligtas kita." He said while his eyes bore into mine.

I like staring at his eyes. It reminds me of the beach, no, the ocean. The deep blue ocean, the endless body of water that no one knows what kind of things or creatures are hidden underneath.

He's still seriously looking at me kaya natawa ako. "Stop that okay, it's getting creepy." I rub my palms together kasi it's kinda chilly.

I heard a shuffle on his side and seconds later I felt warm, he covered my bare back with his coat,  what a gentleman. 

"Thanks Josh." I said. Mataray lang ako pero marunong akong magpasalamat. Tama siya, I should be thankful kasi he was there and yes, tama rin siya when he said he saved me. Because if it wasn't for him baka ano nang nangyari at baka mapahiya pa mga magulang ko pag-nagkataon.

At the stroke of midnight, Cinderella's magic wears out and she was back to being a ragged servant girl. As for me, as the clock hits 12 there was only peace. Under the bright midnight sky, against the cold midnight air and with the serenity of midnight, I feel safe.

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It was a very unusual morning for me, one because it's just 7 am and two is that I am not supposed to be up this early lalo na't kulang na kulang ako sa tulog. Pero here I am up and kicking.

"Ano ba maganda gawin ngayon? Gala tayo?" Napakunot noo ako habang nakatingin sa sarili ko na nasa harap ng salamin, Gaga! Syempre hindi sasagot yan, kabahan ka talaga pag sumagot.

See? Ang weird talaga. At dahil wala akong ibang maisip naligo ako kahit puyat ang nagbihis. Kasalukuyan akong nagkakal-kal dito sa closet ko, wala trip ko lang.

"Dapat tawagan ko siguro si Andrea baka gising na yon." Agad akong nagtungo sa may kama at tinawagan si Medusa, charot lang. 

Naka-apat na dial na ako pero di parin sumasagot. "Wah bruha, sumagot ka!" Last na, kasi nga 5th times' a charm. Yata di ko sure.

"Ano ba! Magpatulog ka nga, istorbo ka masyado eh!" Agad kong nilayo ang phone sa tenga ko nang sumigaw siya. Kita niyo ang taray niya. 

"Hoy maka-sigaw ka, si Alex to ang pinsan mo." Sabi ko nalang.

"Alam ko! Kaya nga sumigaw ako diba." Luh, ang sama ng ugali ah.

"Hmp, sama mo." Kunyari tampo kung saad. Pero na-isip ko, may kailangan pala ako sa kanya kaya dapat mabait ako, "Good morning my pretty cousin." I said in a sweet voice.

I heard her mumble something, "cut it, anong kailangan mo."

"Samahan mo'ko please." 

"Bakit? Saan ka pupunta?" she asked.

Oo nga, saan ba ako pupunta? I just called her to accompany me, but where?

"Hayy nako, let me guess, you called me out of impulse without planning the activity. Tama ako diba." She said with finality. Napatango ako as if naman nakikita niya. 

Andrea heaved a sigh and said, "Okay I'll go with you but first plan it and then call me again. Okay, I'll hang up. See you later." And the line died.

So ano na ulit?

Napakamot ako sa ulo sabay dapa sa kama. Gusto kong gumala pero katamad sa mall eh, pwede sa beach pero ang init naman, sa pool? Nah, ayaw kung mabasa. 

Napasabunot nalang ako sa inis sabay gulong-gulong sa kama. "Lord pahingi po nang sign, ano ba dapat kong gawin today." Napailing ulit ako sa ka-abnormalan ko. Pati si Lord dinadamay ko pa.

Nahiga ulit ako sa kama, nakatihaya habang yung ulo ko na sa edge, nakalaylay. Dumako ang tingin ko sa may pinto nang walk-in closet ko at automatic na naglanding ang mga mata ko sa isang blue na velvet box.

Agad akong tumayo at kinuha ito mula sa shelf. 

At first glance, it was just a normal and harmless box but for me, its not. This box is my very own version of a Pandora's box.

The story is that when Pandora opened the gift Zeus left for her it brought her all the illness, disease, bitterness and all the misfortune. Just like what this box would do to me.

Well not like may virus to na hahawa sa akin but the things inside, those would surely cause me damage and would add more salt to this current wound.

Here I am on my bed with this box, I'm still contemplating whether to open or not. 

Even at the sight of this thing my body reacts, my hands are trembling and my breathing is already uneven. This is so not the sign I'm asking for.

According sa nabasa ko, Bravery is not the absence of fear . It's having the fear and finding a way to work through it. Yeah, sana ganon lang kadali.

Yes I am scared. 

I fear that the emotions I've been trying to contain for the past 5 years will have their way out of me just by opening this box.

I inhaled as deep as I can. I can do this. 

After this everything would make sense, well I hope.

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Thank You :)