What If's

CHAPTER 12

Ever knew the feeling na sobra kang kinakabahan? Yung tipong pinagpapawisan ka kahit naka aircon naman, nanginginig na mga kamay pati kalamnan. Siguro kung ibang sitwasyon, iisipin kong may malubha akong sakit.

I glared at the box in front of me. Isang oras ko nang tinititigan ang kahong ito pero hindi ko pa rin mabuksan. 

"Okay, itigil na natin to. Kaya mo yan Alexandra! You're a strong independent woman. Box lang yan tao ka."

I breathed in as I close my eyes. 

I felt the velvety texture of the box as it hits the tip of my shaking fingers. Eyes closed and heart beating so loud I lift the cover up. 

"Phew, that's not so hard now is it."

I opened my eyes and the white ceiling greeted me. Bakit ko pa pinapahirapan ang sarili ko? As I said, I've moved on so bakit ako magpapa-apekto sa box na to?

"Hey couz, what you up to? Kanina pa kita tinatawagan and you're ignoring me."

Agad kong hinanap ang cellphone ko, and look at that. 10 missed calls nga.

"I'm sorry." Was all I can say. 

"Oh my! What are these?" Napatingin ako sa gawi ni Andrea na kasalukuyang may hawak na polaroid pictures. 

Oh shit!

"Are these..." 

I sighed, there's no point in denying. I gave her a nod. 

"Tangina! Di nga?" 

"Nagmura ka pa talaga." She just rolled her eyes at me.

"Why are you opening it? Are you crazy drunk or something?" Am I? Drunk, no. Crazy maybe.

"Or something." I saw her glare at me for mocking her.  "Well, to answer your question I am not drunk, I'm sober as fuck, and this miracle your witnessing is called me-moving-on."  I stated in a matter of fact tone while staring at the box laying around my bed.

Aya looked at me as if I have horns growing above my head obviously not believing what I just said. Can't blame her though.

"Don't look at me like that." She's still eyeing me intently, waiting for the sauce. "I saw him last night okay."

"So?"

"Ugh! Masaya na siya okay!" She flinched because of the sudden raise in my tone. "Masayang-masaya na siya Andrea habang ako patuloy paring iniisip kung akong kasalanan ko at kung saan ako nagkulang." I felt my eyes water. 

"Ayoko na couz, I think five years is enough," I said. She then just walk to my side and gave me a warm hug as she console me.

"Finally," she said.

Together we looked through the box as I reminisce with each piece that I came across.

We were almost done when I saw a small velvet box, a red one. Out of all the things inside this box, this one was my favorite. I didn't really want to open it but Andrea snatched it from my grasp.

"What's this?" She asked. Pero sa sobrang curious niya ay binuksan niya na pala ito bago paman ako sumagot. 

"Wow," she said. I chuckled at her. I had the same reaction the first time I saw it.

It's an Argyle Champagne princess cut diamond pendent that's stunningly hanging on a thin white-gold chain.

I was sitting alone on our favorite spot here on the park, under a tree near the lake,  still  sad about the though that Ryan hasn't texted me this morning. Its our 1st year anniversary for crying out loud and it seems like he forgot about it.

(the numbered you have dialed is either unattended or out of coverage area please try your call later) ugh! I've been calling him for hours now, "Nasan naba yung gagong yun."

Its almost 5 in the evening, hues of orange and purple are evident on the sky that seemed like a beautiful painting of  dusk. We agreed to meet here at 3 pm since were still in a secret relationship and also were both busy. 

I heaved a sigh realizing that he'll never show up, "I cant believe he stood me up." I muttered to myself. I grabbed my bag and started to walk away from our rendezvous  when my vision went black.

I heard a chuckle from behind coming from that person covering my eyes ,"Stop being an idiot Ryan, I know its you."

He slowly removed his hands from my face and looked at me with a frown on his face, he looked cute actually but I am too mad to care. "Aww babe, at least pretend to be surprise don't be such a buzzkill."

"Surprise! You want me to look surprised!" I scowled at him. "Well for your information this is my surprised face," pointing at my glaring face. "Tanga ka! Kanina pa kita hinihintay dito pero ngayon ka lang?! Imagine how surprise I am Ryan!" 

"Eh sorry na po, I was looking for your gift I kinda' misplaced it." Gago tong taong to, dahil sa regalo pinaghintay ako ng halos dalawang oras.

"Sino ba kasi may sabi sayo na regaluhan ako! I need your presence dummy!"

My anger went to a whole new level when I saw Ryan trying hard to prevent his goofy grin from showing.

"What's your problem! At talagang nakuha mo pang tumawa, cant you see I'm angry right now!?"

Tumalikod ako kanya para mapigilan ko yung galit ko, between the two of us I was the one who values time the most, I hate it when people make me wait and Ryan, he's my total opposite.  He is usually late may it be school or personal affairs though I always make an exception for him since he's my boyfriend and I love him.

Pero ngayon, ang hirap pigilin ng galit ko. I  am angry not because he's late well partly , but the main reason for it is because he didn't even bother to greet me since this morning. Aba, abuso siya. 

I'm still trying to calm myself when I felt something cold being placed on my neck, "What the..."

"Stand still babe," he cut me off.

"There." He walked to face me, "It suits you, don't you think?" I'm still clueless about what's happening therefore I decided to look at the thing that is on my neck, and upon seeing it I turned speechless.

"I've bought it a week ago because the moment I saw it, it reminded me of you," he explained. "Pero nakalimutan ko kung saan ko nilagay kaya I spent almost a day para hanapin yan, I was so focused in looking for it na hindi ko napansin ang oras, I'm sorry babe," he apologized.

His face was turning red as he lightly scratch his nape. This is him when shy or guilty about something. A mannerism that never failed to make me smile.

And just like that, all the anger in me vanished. I closed the gap between us as I wrapped my arms around his waist and bury my face on his chest. "Thank you."

I am thankful for the gift but I am mostly thankful for him. He's sweet and caring despite me nagging all the time.

I felt him hugged me even tighter. "So does this make up for me showing up late?" he joked.

"Yeah." I said in a muffle still holding on to him.

His chest vibrated as he let out a heartily laugh. And not a moment too soon as I felt him kiss the top of my head.

"I love you so much Alexandra and I'm so looking forward to more years with you." 

If only I knew that it would be the last time edi sana sinulit ko na. Kasi nga, all good things must come to an end. Weeks later, Ryan and I broke up. Same time and same place, funny isn't it.

"Hey, are you okay?" I came back to my senses when Andrea handed me a tissue box. "Why are you crying?" 

I immediately held my face, so I really am. Maybe I was too lost in my thoughts to even notice.

"Stop crying Alexandra, he's not worth it."

"I know." I mean, now I know.