What If's

CHAPTER 10

I know how to properly apply make-up kaya lang for the past years feeling ko masyado na akong tamad kaya naging komportable na ako sa simpleng powder at lipstick. But tonight's an exception, I can't show myself to people looking bare, my mother would faint.

"Are you almost done with her?" 

Gustong kong lumingon at tignan ang kuya kong nakatayo sa may pinto pero sa sobrang higpit ng pagkakahawak ng hairstylist sa ulo ko, it's impossible.

"Can you wait a little longer kuya, as if naman 'di ka sanay sa sobrang tagal na make-up session. If I know all your flings were addicted to these things as if their lives depended on it." 

My brother Joshua chuckled. "Well said. But I don't pick girls at their place, they come to me." 

He walked in closer and winked at the stylist that made the latter giggle. Tch, malandi! Not the stylist but my brother. 

"Mom and dad will surely be busy tonight. There are a lot of guests downstairs and that's only the half of it." My brother nodded in response. I took one last glance on the mirror eyeing my whole ensemble. 

It's a gray  mermaid dress dazzled with beads that perfectly hugs my body that complimented my loose braided bun. The outfit truly emphasizes my obvious collar bone and fair skin. 

My gaze then fell to my face and to say that I'm shocked is an understatement. A reflection of a woman with smokey eye make-up accentuated with natural thick lashes and brows that gave highlight to her hazelnut colored eyes stared back at me.

The woman is me.

"Wow! Look at you." Natawa ako sa reaction ng pinsan ko. OA masyado.

"I've never seen you look so human in the last five years." Napairap ako.

"You mean to say is that ang pangit ko ganon? Aba! Bastos ka ha!" She laughed at my annoyance. 

"Let's just go, they're waiting." She winked and lightly pulled me out of the room followed by my brother.

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Iba't ibang mukha ang nakikita ko. Some of them are relatives, family friends and most of them are business partners. Konti lang talaga ang nakikilala ko so I think this will be a long night.

"Hey princess, there you are. Kanina ka pa namin hinihintay, does it really have to take long just to make you look human?" Our elder brother teased that earned him an eye-roll from me. He then eyed me intently, "But wow! You looked really beautiful, but why wonder, kapatid kita and it's only natural na magmana ka sa akin 'di ba?" Ang hangin ng kuya ko ang sarap itakwil eh.

"Get lost kuya baka sirain ko yang pagmumukha mo." I wispered with a smile plastered on my face.

Napailing nalang si kuya at umaktong natakot, "Woah, chill princess. Okay fine I'll let you be, see you later." He gave me a peck on the cheeks and left.

The party went on, pinakilala kami nila mom sa mga kaibigan nila. Nakakapagod ngumiti sa totoo lang, ang hirap palang magpaka-plastic no? I wonder how some people managed to do it everyday. 

It's already 10 o'clock and the guests are still here. I wanna go to sleep so badly but I think its rude to just leave, maybe a couple more minutes won't hurt.

I was near the dessert table, absent-mindedly watching old couples dancing. Swaying to the beat of jazz. It was fun looking at them, all-wrinkly yet posh but with genuine smiles on their faces as they enjoy the night as they own it.

When I had enough, I decided to just leave for some fresh air. The happiness inside the hall suffocates me. I was near the door when I noticed the shift of playful beats to a slow and calming one. 

Hindi ko alam pero parang unti-unting naninikip ang dibdib ko habang pilit na kinukumbinsi ang sarili ko na mali ako. No, ibang kanta yan, 'wag kang praning.

But the night was cruel, so was the band.

Right there and then, while I was rooted to my place I heard it. The same song, the same melody but not the same feeling. This time its hurts, it hurt a lot more than it used to.

Wise men says, only fools rush in
But I cant help falling in love with you

Shall I stay, would it be a sin

For I cant help falling in love with you

Our song, the song that holds so much memories of us was the only sound I could hear.

I felt numbed, immobilized. 

Like a river flows surely to the sea
Darling so it goes,
Some things are meant to be

And it hit me, in life not everything we want would happen, there's fate and destiny. We can never choose what should be, for all we have to do is accept the fact that just like the sea, life's possibility is endless.

So, take my hand
Take my whole life too
For I cant help falling in love with you

Ohhh, for I cant help falling in love with you ~~~

The sound faded as it reached its end and the gentle tone of the evening was replaced by echoes of admiration from sophisticated applause given by the crowd. Yet here I am, feeling nothing but resent, resent towards the jazz band. Of all the songs there is, they had to sing that one.

I gathered the remaining strength to move and head towards the world outside. Every step I take is calculated na parang isang maling hakbang lang ay nababasag ako ng tuluyan.

Malapit na, bulong ko sa sarili ko. Abot kamay ko na ang knob at isang pihit lang ay makakahinga na muli ako. 

I could've just walk straight to save myself but no, I had to turn back. To take that one last glimpse. And fuck, how I wish I didn't.

There, in the middle of the crowd he's dancing. No, more like floating. As if he's above the clouds of pure happiness and content, he floats. No worries, no doubts but free.

His eyes shone. It's so bright that even if I stood far from where he is I can still see them clearly. And the smile on his lips was so infectious that even the spectators around them smiled at their sight. 

Why? 

How?

He's so beautiful that I envy him. His aura is so beautiful that I'm seething with jealousy. 

He's was beyond fine and here I am still burdened with the memories of our past. 

I want to look away, I do but I can't. Something is stopping me.

Piece by piece I felt, I'm breaking. Trembling on the sides. I tried to close my eyes and fortunately I did. 

When I opened them, I was confused to see nothing. Literally nothing. Then, something warm touched my face. Slowly, I fixed my gaze up only to see the ocean. The blue ocean that reflected this persons' eyes.

"Don't cry. It'll ruin your make-up." He said.

I touched my face, and true enough I felt the trail of tears. I didn't even noticed that I was crying. 

I then felt a his warm embrace, as if he's telling me that everything will be alright, that I will be alright.

I pressed my face into his chest, not minding if the make-up will stain. I--we stayed there. Me crying into him and him shielding me from the world. 

He inhaled deeply, I can feel the rising of his chest. "Let's go."

"Where?" I said in a muffled voice.

"Somewhere far, somewhere safe. To a place where there's only happiness and that you'll never have to cry again."

Yes, I want that.

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Thank you!!! :)

(Play the song for better feels)