What If's

CHAPTER 3

(krriinngggg)

Napabangon ako bigla ng may narinig akong tunog ng alarm clock, teka? Wala naman akong alarm clock ah. I looked at my left side to see Aya holding an alarm clock while smiling widely.

"Aya! Anong nakain mo at nambubulabog ka? Ang aga-aga pa!" sigaw ko.  She looked at me with a questioning look.

"Anong maaga? It's 3am already," sagot niya.

"3am?" I said, a little dizzy from waking up. "3am! Aya naman, sa mga normal na tao maaga pa yun. Teka bakit ka ba nandito? At bakit nakabihis ka yata?" She's wearing jeans and tee, simple oo pero its really not a usually attire lalo na't madaling araw pa.

" Seryoso ka sa tanong mo?" she weirdly stared at me. "Nakalimutan mo na ba? Uuwi tayo ng Palawan, remember?"

"Anong meron sa Palawan?" 

I am so sleepy na hindi ko naiintindihan ang pinagsasabi ng pinsan ko. My mind isn't working to process information right now.

"Ano ba Alexandra! Anniversary ng mga magulang mo!" sigaw niya. Kinuha siya ang cellphone niya at kinalikot ito, may ka text pa ata. "Ayan! You texted me like days ago," sabay lahad ng phone sa mukha ko. Shuta! Nakalimutan ko leshe kasi yang past na yan eh. I've been pre-occupied since the day my father called.

Flashback of memories prevents me from sleeping peacefully. Balik ng balik at hindi na naawa gabi-gabi pa. Instead of beautiful dreams, I kept having nightmares.

Kailangan ko pang uminon ng sleeping pills para makatulog, imagine? Ang hassle!

"Argh, I forgot! Just give me 5 minutes  and I'll meet you outside." Hindi ko na hinintay ang sagot niya at agad na nilipad ang bathroom, joke lang. I fixed myself and done. Mabuti nalang at sanay  ako sa mabilisang pag-aayos. 

Pero buti pa sa pag-aayos kaya kong mag-madali habang sa kanya hanggang ngayon di ko parin kayang makalimot, pwede madaliin rin ang process ng pag move-on?

What the heck am I saying!

"Akala ko ba 5 minutes? Lagpas ka po ng isang minuto," sigaw ni Aya na nagpatigil sa pag e-emote ko. Nakatayo siya sa may pinto ng apartment ko, crossed arms at naka taas pa ang kilay.

"Ang OA mo naman 1 minute lang yun."

"Nangako ka Alex, sabi mo 5 minutes tapos di mo pala tinupad," sabi niya habang kunwari ang nasasaktan. "Dahil sa mga kagaya mo na ang hilig mangako at magpaasa  kaya di umuunlad Pilipinas eh." Grabe talaga kadramahan ng babaeng to, pati kahirapan ng Pilipinas ay sinisi pa ako.

"Alam mo ba promises are made to be broken. 'Di ba nga, lahat ng nangangako ay pinapako." Wait, tama ba yun?

It doesn't matter. Nilagpasan ko yung pinsan ko habang hila-hila ang maleta palabas.

"At besides, kaya hindi umuunlad ang Pilipinas kasi maraming tao ang kagaya mo, yung mga mahilig mag reklamo!" 

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"You sure about this?" 

Nandito na kami sa airport, waiting for boarding nalang. Sabi ko sa kanya na umidlip muna siya kasi may isang oras pa naman pero ewan ko sa babaeng to kanina pa aligaga.

"Oo naman, gigisingi nalang kita mamaya." Hindi ko na tinignan, I'm playing Solitaire.

"What?" I felt her move right next to me.

"Aray!" I screamed. "Bakit ka nanakit?"

"Kasi gaga ka, kung anu-ano pinagsasabi mo." 

"Ano ba sinabi ko? I said sleep." I'm still rubbing my arm to lessen the sting, feeling ko mamumula 'to.

She didn't answer kaya nilingon ko siya. Nagulat ako kasi she's just staring at me with this weird look in her eyes.

"Hey, okay ka lang ba? Are you hungry--"

"Eh ikaw, are you okay?" Sabi niya still keeping that weird expression.

"Oo nga, I'm sleepy but I can manage--"

"Alexandra, uuwi tayo sa atin." I rolled my eyes upward at what she said.

"Alam ko Andrea kaya nga nasa airport 'di ba?" I gigled dahil sa pagiging pilosopo ko.

Napabuntong hininga siya. Ano bang problema ng babaeng 'to. "Hey, can you tell me what's wrong?"

"I'm worried. I'm worried about you!" 

"Bakit naman--"

"We're going home Alexandra! Back to the place where you got hurt, the most!" I froze. My cousin was always the sweet one but she's mostly mean. And her worrying about my feelings is touching.

I held her hand. "I'm fine couz, at ako naman ang nagsabi na uuwi tayo so I think I'm ready for it." Honestly 'di ako sure pero to appease Andrea I'm willing to be.

She smiled timidly. "C'mon Andrea, treat this like a vacation. And please lighten up may kasalanan ka pa sakin." 

She laughed like a lunatic, "All those effort are for you! Malay mo ako pala ang maging bridge para sa bago mong lovelife." I rolled my eyes at her.

"Hindi ko kailangan ng dagdag stress sa buhay. So stop with the matchmaking already."

"Oo na. I'll give it a rest, for now." Akala ko tapos na pero nagsalita ulit siya. "Pero what if magkita kayo? How will you handle it?"

I was caught off-guard, I never thought about it. Syempre hindi naman ako nag-e-expect na magkita kami pero what if nga? 

"I--uh"

"Wait wala kang plano?" she exclaimed.

"Syempre wala! Kasi meeting him was never on my intinerary!" Its true. I know expect the unexpected pero nagdasal na ako sa lahat ng santo para 'wag lang mag tagpo ang landas namin.

"Alam ko, pero what if? Iiyak ka ulit?" Aba! Bruhang to!

"Syempre hindi! Ako ba nagloko? Ako ba nanakit? Ako ba?" As far as I remember, wala akong kasalanan.

"Oh bakit galit na galit? Gustong manakit ate?" Corny niya, feel niyo?

"Ah basta if magkita man kami, which I know na 'di mangyayari, then— Ah basta! Iiwas ako hanggang kaya," I said with finality.

"Well goodluck sayo!" Bigla siyang tumayo sabay kuha ng bag niya. "Oh? Saan ka pupunta?"

She pointed towards the gate, "Boarding na po, let's go nang ma-test natin yang pag-iwas mo."

Napa-iling nalang ako sa kanya, I got up and followed her.

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"Cabin crew, please take your seats for take-off."  

I was so busy with my thoughts at di ko namalayan na take-off na pala, I adjusted my seat belt for no apparent reason. I closed my eyes as I felt the plane detached itself from the ground.

I felt heavy inside. I don't know kung dahil ba sa pagsakay ko ng plane, I have a slight fear of heights. Or dahil sa thought na uuwi ako for real and that there's no turning back now.

Hindi naman kasi ito jeepney na pwedeng pahinto-in kahit saan kahit pa sa tabi ng no unloading sign 'di ba?

I felt Andrea's hand above mine, she kept her eyes closed maybe to take a nap but I know this is her way of comforting me.

Yeah, I can do this. It's been so long kaya maybe I'll be fine.

No.

I have to be fine! 

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