Chapter 1 - Exile

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Derealisation warning for this chapter, please don't read this if you are sensitive to this sort of content. Both the first and second chapters have derealisation as a major focal point so please be careful when reading.

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Why did Tubbo have to exile me? I didn't do anything wrong. Sure I set fire to George's house but that was just meant to be a prank, how was I meant to know it would go so bad? and it wasn't only me! Ranboo should have taken the blame too!

But I have Dream right? Yeah. Dream's on my side. Dreams my friend. He's got to be. He comes by to check up on me all the time! That's more then what I can say for the others!

I mean honestly how hard can it be to spend a few minutes walking through the nether in order to see your friend...

But I'm not their friend.

They wouldn't have exiled me if I was their friend.

They would have come to visit me if I was their friend.

I-

I wouldn't be alone if I was their friend...



But I guess this is how it's gonna be from now on.
At least I've got Dream and Ghostbur. They come to see me all the time! So I've got two friends right then and there! See! I don't need Tubbo. I don't need his stupid laugh, or his hugs, or his jokes. Or his kindness. Or friendship. Or- or-.

Oh who am I kidding.

I need him.

I need my friend back.

But I'm not his friend...

Am I...

I'm not anyone. I'm not the same kid who joined the server, who fought beside Tubbo for the disks, or who started L'Manburg with Wilbur, or who fought with all of his friends to free L'Manburg from JSchlatt.

I'm not HIM anymore.

I'm not anyone anymore.

So who am I?

I guess I'm still Tommy? I mean that's what my friends call me.
Are they my friends?
I mean Ghostbur said he would stay out here with me so he's definitely a friend.
But he still leaves.
Is Ghostbur a friend?
I don't know...

Dream's my friend though! I know he is! He wouldn't do anything to hurt me! He protects me!
Or course he's my friend!
Right?
Yeah. Yeah! He is. I'd know if he was just playing with me! Right?
Yeah...
Yeah I'd know.
Of course I'd know.
I'm Tommy. I'm the cleverest person on the server!

But I'm not Tommy.

I'm not anyone anymore.

I'm nothing.

But I am Tommy. That's what THEY call me. That's what my friends call me. So I must be Tommy.
Yeah.
Yeah I'm Tommy!
My friends know me as Tommy so that's who I'll be!

I'll be Tommy as long as my friends what me to be!

But what if they don't want me to be Tommy anymore?

Does it matter?
Why would it matter.

I'm not anyone without them.

What would it matter if I wasn't Tommy.
It's just a name.
Tommy doesn't exist.

I'm only Tommy if that's what they say.

So if they don't say...






Then I guess I'm no longer Tommy.
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.
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