Glorybringer AU ☆the fault in our stars☆

[12] Change

☆Glory☆

Dear Helianthus,

I can't stop thinking about him.

I don't ever want to break our friendship, but I'm afraid that he will be involved in another relationship if I don't confess. It's a constant struggle. But then, there's the most important question: what if he doesn't like me?

I don't think he sees me as someone that's more than a friend. And I'm afraid to ruin everything.

It's like there's an invisible line of friendship that I just can't cross because of fear.

Do you have any experience on that?

-Daffodil

☆

A lot of things change after the meeting with Anaconda.

I get pneumonia after staying outside, and I spend days in the hospital. It's Grandmother doesn't get any sleep nowadays, but when I wake up in the hospital her with her warm hand on mine, I know we're pull it through together.

After I come from the hospital, I find that the pictures in Grandmother's bedroom were shattered and removed.

I stop looking up her name on Google, and I'm the one, not Grandmother, to turn the TV off when her commercials come on.

Apparently, they all left kind of sheepishly after I stormed out. At least, according to Jambu, who actually now visits our house twice on weekends.

There are many bad things and a few good things that come after the Incident. The best good thing is Jambu.

Jambu, who is a vegetarian. Jambu, who apparently doesn't want to go to Europe or get a college education there. Jambu, who I thought was a haughty Hollywood kid that turned out to be a normal, laid-back college boy who likes shooting darts to annoy Grandmother.

Sometimes, I even shoot them with him.

Another good thing is Deathbringer and the rest of the Gone with the Wind geeks. After going to the salon to dye Tsunami's hair (Jambu drove me there and ended up dying his own hair pink) together, he later naturally joins our lunch table.

I'm too scared to ask him about Greatness, and all I can see is that they avoid each other in the hallway. They don't even talk.

That seems to be the case with everyone- once lovers, there's no way of becoming friends again.

Maybe that's why I've been scared of confessing. To ruin the things we actually have. To someday see him look at me with the expression he looks at other girls.

A lot of people ask me what my secret is, the secret for staying next to Deathbringer all that time when so many girls have tried to. They look at me, awestruck that I haven't fallen into what they call Death Magic.

Yeah, no.

The only difference between the girls Deathbringer has dated and me is that they are brave enough to tell him their feelings. I am not. They are strong enough to risk their feelings, and I just can't live without him.

Maybe I'm too scared. Maybe I love him too much.

☆

"What kind of girls do guys like?" Tsunami's looking at Deathringer with an urgent expression. "No, before that, what do you think of my blue hair?"

Deathbringer looks bored. There seems to be a certain role to the people of the lunch table- Tsunami's loud and funny. Clay is kind and big and likes to eat. Starflight can surprisingly torture people with unsurprising Shakespeare. Sunny is warm and kind. They tell me I'm sarcastic and moody, which I guess is true.